Acceptance & 24 Hour Track Race

Acceptance

Why do I always feel the need to be accepted by everyone?

All through my life I've always strived to please other people (friends, work colleagues and family) and do what they think is right, especially when it comes to my family. I've always felt that whatever I do, or don't do, is wrong and they will never be happy and will always criticise me. I've only ever wanted them to be happy with themselves and with me, but I have never been able to achieve this. Is this wrong?

I know my family do love me and they want the best for me, that's why they are always full of advice and suggestion about what I should be doing with my life. I will always listen to them and if their advice is good I will act upon it. But I do have my own life and I want to live it as best as I can my own way, even if I do make mistakes along the way. And sometimes other people may not like the way I'm living my life, but I wish they would just accept it.

Up until now I have never been truly happy with myself or my life. All through my college and university years I felt the need to force myself to fit in with everyone, which included going to night clubs in Cardiff with some of my friends. The clubs were OK but I never really enjoyed the experience of going out to them and simply getting drunk. Since I've left college I still felt I had to fit in with the crowd and do what my peers do. I used to drink alcohol when I went out, visited friends and at home because I felt that was the norm and what was expected of me. It was also how I was brought up to feel it was OK to drink alcohol to excess. I also felt I had to drink to allow myself to relax whenever I went out as I could not have a good time unless I was at least a little bit tipsy. I never used to like the effects of alcohol on the body and I would always feel rotten afterwards.

Now, whenever I visit friends or go to parties at their houses and they offer me a drink, they find it strange when I say I don't drink alcohol at all, not even 1/2 pint of beer or 1 small glass off wine. Why is it that people think it's strange when you say you don't drink alcohol? I'm not going to tell people what they can and cannot do, and I don't think drinking alcohol is a bad thing, as long as it drunk in moderation. But, as a result of the path I'm following, I do not feel the need to have alcohol to relax me and therefore I have chosen not to drink it, as I feel even one drink will have a negative effect on me.

They only person who knows fully about the path I'm following is my wife and she is fully supportive of me and encourages me in every step I take. She is very happy about how it is making me a more calm, relaxed and a nicer person to live with. Also, I have mentioned it to some of my friends and they think it is very good that I'm doing this. I have yet to tell anyone else, especially my family, about the path I'm following as I do feel they will criticise and say I am stupid and wrong for doing this. I don't want to upset them, so not too sure how to go about doing it.

By writing this blog and letting people read it I'm hoping everyone will understand why I'm following this path and what I'm hoping to achieve / have achieved so far. I also want people to understand my true feelings and what I'm currently thinking, and, in doing so, will help them understand me better. I do not want to upset anyone in the process, I just want everyone to be happy. I am open to any questions / comments about what I'm doing, so feel free to leave any comments you want.

Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race

Anyway, I'm off to London tomorrow, Tooting to be precise, to act as a helper for the Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race at Tooting Bec race track, organised by the Sri Chinmoy Athletic Club. It starts at midday on Saturday and finishes midday on Sunday and I will helping as a counter in the second shift from midnight to midday on Sunday. It will be interesting watching and supporting the runners, some of which will have run over 100 miles by time they have finished, some reaching 140 miles or more! It will also be a challenge for me to stay awake that long.

Good night sleep tonight as I'm travelling to London by coach (it's cheaper than the train) at 5pm tomorrow. I will write a report about the race when I get back.

Have a happy and peaceful weekend everyone,

Stephen

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