Running and Impatience. Spritual progress

Running

Well, I am am still continuing with my running and have entered Cardiff half marathon so there is no stopping now. I have even started running into work instead of cycling to get my mileage up.

The problem is I am a bit impatient, I would like to be running at at least a 7 minute mile pace as I would like to do 1 hour 30 minutes or better in the half marathon and after 3 weeks of running I have not achieved that pace. I did start letting this distract me too much, but on Wednesday on the train going into work, I decided to meditate for 5 minutes as I approached Llantwit station and calm myself before my 3 mile run into work.

During my run as well, I was not worried about what pace I was doing or how far I've got to run, I simply got into a rhythm and enjoyed the run. As a result of this I felt very good during the run and did actually do my fastest time so far running from Llantwit station to my office. My average pace for the month so far is 8:24 per mile, but that is not what matters, I must remember to run to enjoy it and not to let it worry me that I'm not running as fast as I would like. I've only been back running for 4 weeks so I must learn to be patient and let things happen when they are supposed to happen and not try and force it too much.

So I am not back to enjoying my running and I do feel good about myself.  You can keep track of my progress on Endomondo web site, where you can view my workouts, both cycling and running, and see where I've run and how far. I use the app on my Android phone to log all my workouts, it's a very nice little tool making good use of the phones features.

So far, as of today (Friday 17 June), according to Endomondo I have run a total distance of 57.86 miles in a time of 8h:15m:59s over 19 workouts. My average pace is 8m:34s so that is not too bad. One nice little feature, it says I've burned 6484 callories which is equivalent to 12 burgers! I wonder if they are veggie burgers?

Spiritual progress

So far my spiritual progress has not been going too good, it seems like I am struggling to find my true self and meaning. The past couple of weeks have not been the best spiritually, and I have been a bit lapse with my meditations and, when I do meditate, I have not really gained anything from them. I went camping at the start of the month with Bernadette, Robert and some of out friends, but it didn't prove that successful and I came back from the trip not feeling too happy. I wanted a perfect camping trip and I was expecting too much from it and that didn't help at all. This was wrong as I should have enjoyed the trip and overcome all the problems and upsets that happened, but I was unable to do it. I felt a bit of a failure.

Even though I have been running and that has been making me feel good, I still could not get back into my mediation. I felt I was spiralling out of control. But, as a result of my run on Wednesday and a successful meditation at the Sri Chinmoy centre that evening, I feel I am now back on the path as I am feeling happy again as I am starting to get some control back to my life.

Running Again :-)

Just to recap, I started running back in May 2001 were I trained for Cardiff Marathon in September that year. Training went well and I completed the marathon in a respectable time of 3 hours 38 minutes, if I remember right. Since then I went on to run quite a few other marathons, half marathon and shorter races but never beating my time I set in Cardiff marathon. My best time for a half marathon was 1 hour 34 minutes.

I finally managed to gain entry into London Marathon in 2006 by running for Ty Hafan children hospice. I was hoping to run faster than 3 hours 30 minutes and beat my PB, but it never happened. At 13 miles I was on target for 3:30 but by about 20 miles I started to flag, but thanks to the cheers of the crown, I half ran, half hobbled the final 6 miles and still finished in 3 hours 44 minutes. Running London Marathon was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and something I will never forget. If I got time I might write up more about it.

Because I pushed myself so much in my training and the race, I decided to have a break from running for a couple of months to let my legs recover. During that time my wife got pregnant and my wonderful son was born and I found it more and more difficult to get back into my running. As I've mentioned in previous posts, my fatigue started to get worse, I wasn't sleeping well at night and I started getting very depressed. As a result, my break for a couple of months unfortunately lasted for 5 years!!!

Now I'm back out running, done two 3 1/2 mile runs this week through Penarth Mariner and I am hoping to get my fitness back up to enter Cardiff marathon. Using Endomondo on my HTC Desire, a GPS tracking app which logs run including, distance, times, running speed and route, my workouts were:

Monday 23 May - 3.44 miles in 32m:28s
Thursday 28 May - 3.55 miles in 30m:20s

I'm improving already.

I've put my motivation for my running thanks to the inspiration I received from the Sri Chimnoy disciples and the races I helped organise. I now go out running not with the aim to run further or faster, although I do like to achieve this, but for the enjoyment of running and using it as a meditation to "unlock the true potential of the human spirit" (Sri Chinmoy).

Although I've only been running twice, I have never felt better and I will be going out for another run tonight. This is another positive step along my Journey to Enlightenment

Self-Transcendence and Meditation Healing

Well, since my previous post over a week ago I have been making amazing progress in my search for enlightenment (god). I don't think I have ever felt better and at peace with myself and the world. I've had a busy but relaxing 10 days that has helped me find myself. I've help organise the Self Transcendence 2 mile race in Cardiff last Friday (13 May) and, following that, me and Bernadette spent the weekend at the Self Realization Meditation Centre in Llandeilo, Wales to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary on the Sunday. Both these events were amazing and inspiring.

Since I've started my acupuncture and stopped the medication from the doctors, I find that I am beginning to get a better nights sleep, although still restless, but I am waking up in the mornings feeling more positive. I am also able to continue this feeling throughout the day, even when bad things happen, and it is making me feel a lot more happier. Also, after finally accepting Sri Chinmoy as my guru (teacher) and becoming one of his disciples then I can relax even more as I now got meaning to my life.

The feelings and emotions I've been feeling since my anniversary are amazing, I feel so much love not just for my wife and son, but for everyone and everything. This is absolutely wonderful, may this feeling long continue.

Peace, love and happiness to everyone.

7th Wedding Anniversary

14th - 16th May, 2011

Whilst I was helping out at the Self-Transcendence 2 mile run, my wife was busy trying to find a vegetarian B&B or guest house for us to stay for our anniversary. We had arranged for my parents to look after Robert from Saturday afternoon until Monday so we thought that it would be nice to get away for a couple of days. After hours of searching Bernadette booked two nights at the Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre in Llandeilo, Carmarthenshire in West Wales. This was a surprise as I am really into meditation and spirituality and Bernadette isn't, so this is my blog of how it went.

Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre, Wales

After a pleasant journey west from Cardiff we arrive at the centre at about 6.30 and our host for the weekend had a lovely vegetarian meal and a smile ready for us as we arrived. We enjoyed this in the lounge with a proper log burning fire to warm us up. After our meal, we were shown to our room and she explained we were the only people staying for the weekend so we had unique use of the bathroom and the lounge.

Meditation would be at 7.30pm that day and Sunday, as well as 6.45am tomorrow morning then 6.30 on Monday. My wife thought, "Great! Whilst Stephen is meditating I can watch the Eurovision song contest without being disturbed." This was when we were told that there was no TV or a radio in the centre, so she couldn't even listen to the song contest. We didn't even have a mobile phone signal in the area, it was as if we were cut off from the outside world. This come as a huge shock to Bernadette, but luckily she found a cupboard with some games and jigsaws in there, so she started doing one of the jigsaws.

The meditation was based on the teachings of the guru Mata Yogananda Mahasaya Dharma, and in the meditation room they had a picture of here on the wall. Their focus, as quoted on their website, "is on providing teaching, care, nurturing, clearing of emotions and balancing of body, mind and spirit for all who desire peace, harmony, health and progress." The meditation sessions over the weekend which were about an hour each time was amazing, even though there was only 2 of us there. After each session I felt a tremendous feeling of calm and happiness.

Sunday, 15th May 2011 - Our 7th Wedding Anniversary

I got up at 6 to have a shower before my early morning meditation at 6.45am, needless to say that my wife for 7 years stayed in bed. Then, after waking my wife up at 8.30 and wishing her happy anniversary, we had a lovely cooked veggie breakfast (Quorn sausages). Once breakfast was finished we went for a drive to see if anywhere was opening in this part of Wales. We ended up in Llandeilo and it was there where we found this amazing ice cream and chocolate shop called Heavenly, and it was definitely heavenly by name and heavenly by nature. We both had an ice cream each, which is something of a tradition as we had an My Whippy ice cream after our photo shoot at South Stack lighthouse in Anglesey on out Wedding Day. The ice cream was amazing and the amount we had for one portion was equivalent to at least three scoops of the ice cream I had in London a couple of weeks ago. Bernadette also bought a reduced Easter egg with actual, edible gold leafs on it. This was definitely the wife's version of Heaven.

After that we went for another little drive and ended up in Lampeter, were we had a very nice meal in The Royal Oak pub. We then went back to the the B&B where we explored the grounds around the centre before my evening meditation. During my meditation Bernadette stayed in the grounds and took lots of photos, some of which can be seen in my flickr album, we then relaxed in front of the log fire for the rest of the evening.

We were both sorry to leave on the Monday, and, despite not having a TV and radio, Bernadette really enjoyed her stay. I felt spiritually refreshed as it was good to meditate with another spiritual person on a slightly different path to myself. It's a pity the centre in Wales is up for sale, for reasons I won't go into in my blog, as I would love to stay there again and it is very relaxing and in such a beautiful part of Wales. I returned home with such an amazing feeling of love for my wife and felt very at peace with myself.

Happy Anniversary Bernadette and thank you for such a wonderful weekend, I love you so very much.

Self-Transcendence 2 Mile Race

Pontcanna Fields, Cardiff, 13th May 2011

In May, June and July every year the Sri Chinmoy Marathon Team organises and runs a series of Self-Transcendence races in Cardiff, a 2 mile, 3 mile and 4 mile race as well as a relay. Since I am now a disciple I do like to help out with all the events as much as I can so I took the day of from work to help at the 2 mile race. I turned up at the Run and Become shop in Cardiff at about 3pm to load up the card with signs, medals, mallets, stakes and all sorts of items needed for the race, I was surprised to fit it all in my little Corsa.

We didn't leave the shop until about 4.30 and the race was due to start at 7, so we made a dash for Pontcanna Fields to start setting up the race. We quickly drove around the course attaching arrows, warning signs and mile markers to trees, posts, stakes (now you know why we needed them) to help the runners follow the course and warn other people that there was a race in progress. Registration was supposed to start at about 6.20, but we didn't finish setting up the course until about 6.25 and tents et al was still locked up in Charana's car. People were being registered from the back of one of the other disciples car, which looked strange and not efficient, but due to the spiritual nature of the race all the runners seemed to take it in their stride with very little complaining.

As a result the race started 10 minutes late, but the runners didn't mind and it was a huge success with over 130 runners taking part, more than any other year. I think all the runners enjoyed the race, the ones I spoke to at the end said it was a good race. Once we all packed up, me and some of the other disciples went for a vegetarian curry, which was well deserved, I then went home.

What a wonderful and inspiring day. Even though the race started late and we were delayed setting up the course, it was still a calm and peaceful day. The smiles on the runners as well as the disciples faces said it all. I went home to my wife at 10.30pm tired but very, very happy.

I'm back. Doctors, acupuncture, becoming a disciple and house buying

I have been a bit lapse with updating my blog lately, by now I'm going to try and update at least once a week,  more often if something of significance happens in my life. But just to bring you up to since my last blog Thoughts in December, my life has taken a new step and changed for the better.

It was a long hard winter, problems with the car, the weather was very cold with lots of snow and short, dull days that did not help with my mental well-being and achieving happiness. Also I have also been having trouble with people close to me, accepting who I am and not just simply trying to cause arguments and misunderstanding my intentions. Also, we couldn't get to North Wales to spend Christmas with my parent-in-laws as the car was not working (dead battery) due the cold weather and the weather was to bad to travel anyway. This upset my wife as we were both  really looking forward to spending Christmas with here parents.

I've been continuing with my meditation and that did help me get through January and I was beginning to feel happier with myself, although I was still feeling very tired at the weekends and not getting much sleep at night. Been back and forth to the doctors about this and all she has been doing is prescribing me one anti-depressant tablet after another, she thinks that I must be depressed, although I don't think I am. Having taken them for almost 3 months with no results, I have stopped as I have started on a course of acupuncture with the Chinese herbalist in Penarth. I shall write more about this in a future blog, but needless to say I think it is working as my sleep, although not that long, is improving and I'm feeling better in the morning. I'm going to the docs on Wednesday and I'm going to tell her once and for all that I no longer need to take any of her drugs.

One other change in my life, and one I will never regret, is that on the 7 February, 2011 I officially become a disciple of Sri Chinmoy. This involves meditating at the Sri Chinmoy centre in Cardiff every Wednesday and Sunday evening at 7.30pm as well as my daily meditations at home. I have also been to a couple of Joy days at the centre in London, more about these in a future blog. But what an wonderful experience I'm having and all the other disciples are such an amazing, happy group of people. As a result of this I have never been happier or more contented with my life. I think this is what I have been looking for.

I've also been on holiday with my wife, son and parents to Butlins in Bognor Regis which was very fun for all of us and, most importantly, brought me closer to my mum and dad. After the holiday they now fully accept I'm a vegetarian and that I don't drink alcohol. Also, more recently, they have begun accepting the fact that I meditate, but I've still yet to tell them I'm now a disciple. I'm might write more about this in yet another post.

I'm also in the process of finally buying a house after renting all these years. Mortgage all sorted just got to wait for contracts to be exchanged. So this is an exciting and busy time for me, but I'm not feeling stressed about it all, thanks to my meditation. I'll blog more about this as it happens.

All in all, since February, this year has been a very good year and I have never felt  happier or more contented with my life. There are some major changes going on in my life, but it is all very exciting and I'm  positive about everything that is happening.

Well that's it for the moment. Peace, love and happiness to you (the reader) and everyone.