Christmas Shopping!!!

It's that time of year again. The Christmas lights have been switched on in the centre of Cardiff and are slowly appearing inside and outside of houses, children are starting to get excited about Father Christmas coming, and there is a buzz in the air. Is that buzz a feeling of peace, love and happiness? Of coming together of families and friends to share this special time? Of people putting aside their differences and arguments and making the world, or at least their homes, a better place to be?

No, it's the time when you are bombarded with adverts on TV, radio and magazines for the toys that children can't live without, the perfume that your loved one must have to show that you love her, the new sofa you must buy (delivered in time for Christmas) and the endless list of gadgets and gifts which you must rush out to the shops and buy now! Also, I read a story on the BBC News website this week Christmas toy market faces China crisis! What are parents going to do? There will be so many tears on Christmas day if the children don't have the latest toy, Buzz Lightyear again apparently, because the TV said they must have it and that Christmas will not be Christmas without it. We are obsessed with commercialism and spending money we haven't got, no wonder the world is in the state it's in.

It's also the time when people start asking that question - "Have you done your Christmas shopping yet?" And sometimes you get the proud person saying, "I've done all my Christmas shopping, in fact I bought most of it over the summer." Why do people feel the need to go out and do Christmas Shopping? And why do they have to go out search through all the shops on the high street (and the virtual high street on the big WWW) to try and find that perfect present for their loved ones, friends and family, sometimes resulting in spending too much money to get that perfect gift?

I've got to admit, I have done it in the past and this is the time of year when I normally start worrying (and I am starting to worry) about what can I get people for Christmas, especially my family. And by time Christmas actually arrives I'm so stressed up by the Christmas Shopping and thoughts going through my mind such as "Will they like the gift I bought them?" and "Have I done the right thing?" that I don't really enjoy the holidays and time spent with people I love. If I turned up at my family's house on Christmas day without a gift for any of them, does that mean I love them any less? Would they would think that I don't love them? Would they be appalled that I didn't buy them a gift?

My greatest gift from people to me is not the latest, most expensive, iWhatever or the aftershave set which I might never use, but the thought that they are happy and that they have made the time to come and visit me. Despite all this, I will be getting presents for people this year because it is nice to give gifts and see the happiness it brings them, but I'm going to try and buy (or even get) something from the heart, and not just because it is on sale in a shop.

What is also going to be difficult this Christmas, and it also applies to my 40th birthday next year, is that I don't drink alcohol any more, not even a glass of wine with a meal. People are going to say "Go on, have a drink, it's Christmas" and some may even think I'm strange because I don't drink alcohol. I no longer need alcohol to relax and have a good time. Thanks to my meditation I can be happy without it.

This is something else we are bombarded with on TV. That we must stock up on crates and crates of beer or wine, as well as an excessive amount of food, for the Christmas holidays. It doesn't help when the big supermarkets sell alcohol at greatly reduced prices to encourage people to drink more at Christmas. In my opinion, excessive drinking of alcohol has caused more trouble than necessary. I'm not saying that people shouldn't drink alcohol, I used to appreciate and nice glass of real ale from time to time and I understand the pleasure you can get from it. But a lot of people don't drink alcohol just to enjoy the taste. What I don't like is when people drink alcohol for the sake of drinking, and also with the aim of getting drunk. I've done it and I've never like the end result, me acting stupid and waking up feeling dreadful (the dreaded hangover) and regretting, or not even remembering, the night before.

This year I'm spending Christmas with my wife's parents in North Wales and I feel that my family think that this is wrong and that I should be be staying in Cardiff to spend Christmas with my them. My family can see me and Robert whenever they want to, but because Bernadette's parents are so far away (about a 5 hour drive / train journey) then they don't get to see their only daughter and grandson as often as they would like. Also, they will be on their own this Christmas as some of their family are over in Australia visiting relatives, so it would be nice for them to spend Christmas with their daughter and grandson. Is this wrong?

People may say I'm starting to sound like Scrooge saying "Bah Humbug" to Christmas (thanks Charles Dickens) and they ask me "Where's your Christmas spirit?" (in a bottle?) But far from it. This year especially I want to enjoy Christmas more than ever, I'm just fed up the commercialism and the constant pressure to buy this or do that this Christmas. This year I'm going to use my mediation to really appreciate my time spent with family and friends and, hopefully, fill their Christmas with love and happiness as well.

Tŷ Hafan Christmas Star Appeal

Every Christmas is precious; most will spend the morning opening presents, then watching their favourite Christmas film and of course, veg’ing out with the family! For some children and young people in Wales, who live with life-limiting conditions, every Christmas is made extra special by their families, because quite simply… it could be their last.

Why not do something special this Christmas. Don't go to the shops, instead make a donation today to Tŷ Hafan's Christmas star appeal and send a message of love, support and encouragement to the children and families that Tŷ Hafan will be caring for this Christmas.

Acceptance & 24 Hour Track Race

Acceptance

Why do I always feel the need to be accepted by everyone?

All through my life I've always strived to please other people (friends, work colleagues and family) and do what they think is right, especially when it comes to my family. I've always felt that whatever I do, or don't do, is wrong and they will never be happy and will always criticise me. I've only ever wanted them to be happy with themselves and with me, but I have never been able to achieve this. Is this wrong?

I know my family do love me and they want the best for me, that's why they are always full of advice and suggestion about what I should be doing with my life. I will always listen to them and if their advice is good I will act upon it. But I do have my own life and I want to live it as best as I can my own way, even if I do make mistakes along the way. And sometimes other people may not like the way I'm living my life, but I wish they would just accept it.

Up until now I have never been truly happy with myself or my life. All through my college and university years I felt the need to force myself to fit in with everyone, which included going to night clubs in Cardiff with some of my friends. The clubs were OK but I never really enjoyed the experience of going out to them and simply getting drunk. Since I've left college I still felt I had to fit in with the crowd and do what my peers do. I used to drink alcohol when I went out, visited friends and at home because I felt that was the norm and what was expected of me. It was also how I was brought up to feel it was OK to drink alcohol to excess. I also felt I had to drink to allow myself to relax whenever I went out as I could not have a good time unless I was at least a little bit tipsy. I never used to like the effects of alcohol on the body and I would always feel rotten afterwards.

Now, whenever I visit friends or go to parties at their houses and they offer me a drink, they find it strange when I say I don't drink alcohol at all, not even 1/2 pint of beer or 1 small glass off wine. Why is it that people think it's strange when you say you don't drink alcohol? I'm not going to tell people what they can and cannot do, and I don't think drinking alcohol is a bad thing, as long as it drunk in moderation. But, as a result of the path I'm following, I do not feel the need to have alcohol to relax me and therefore I have chosen not to drink it, as I feel even one drink will have a negative effect on me.

They only person who knows fully about the path I'm following is my wife and she is fully supportive of me and encourages me in every step I take. She is very happy about how it is making me a more calm, relaxed and a nicer person to live with. Also, I have mentioned it to some of my friends and they think it is very good that I'm doing this. I have yet to tell anyone else, especially my family, about the path I'm following as I do feel they will criticise and say I am stupid and wrong for doing this. I don't want to upset them, so not too sure how to go about doing it.

By writing this blog and letting people read it I'm hoping everyone will understand why I'm following this path and what I'm hoping to achieve / have achieved so far. I also want people to understand my true feelings and what I'm currently thinking, and, in doing so, will help them understand me better. I do not want to upset anyone in the process, I just want everyone to be happy. I am open to any questions / comments about what I'm doing, so feel free to leave any comments you want.

Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race

Anyway, I'm off to London tomorrow, Tooting to be precise, to act as a helper for the Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race at Tooting Bec race track, organised by the Sri Chinmoy Athletic Club. It starts at midday on Saturday and finishes midday on Sunday and I will helping as a counter in the second shift from midnight to midday on Sunday. It will be interesting watching and supporting the runners, some of which will have run over 100 miles by time they have finished, some reaching 140 miles or more! It will also be a challenge for me to stay awake that long.

Good night sleep tonight as I'm travelling to London by coach (it's cheaper than the train) at 5pm tomorrow. I will write a report about the race when I get back.

Have a happy and peaceful weekend everyone,

Stephen

Next: Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race

Ups & Downs, Sleeplessness, Anger, Alcohol and Eating Meat

This week has been a strange week. I know my journey will not be easy and I will not reach my goal overnight, even not in this life time. But it is still difficult and frustrating.

I am still meditating every day, once in the morning when I first get up, normally around 6am and then before bed about 10.30ish. I am struggling to have good meditations this week as I have been feeling very tired, especially at night. This isn't helped by the fact that I am a very restless person and I have trouble sleeping at night.

I have changed my diet over the past few months to help with my relaxation and sleep. About 3 months ago I gave up alcohol and I haven't touched a drop since. I use to have a glass or 2 of whisky or some beer when I got home from work to help me relax, but I still didn't sleep any better as a result and I used to just wake up with a headache. I have also come realise that alcohol was just poisoning my system and was obstructing my meditation and reaching enlightenment.

Next, about a month ago, I gave up eating meat and fish as I feel this was adding to my anger. I felt that by eating meet I was absorbing the stress and unhappiness of the animal which it felt just before it was killed, simply so I could have a beef burger or a sausage. Quorn sausages, burgers and mince does make a good alternative.

Today has been one of my worst in a long time. I have been feeling very tired all weekend and when I tried to go have a few extra hours this morning I was disturbed and my anger got the better of me. I snapped at my wife, did not feel like playing with my son and just felt very unhappy. I have been to the doctors about me not sleeping and all they done was prescribe my some antidepressants to help me relax and sleep at night. All that achieved, because of the side effects, was to make me more angry and unhappy. I stopped taking the tablets a few weeks ago and I am going back to the doctors on Tuesday to let them know that I do not want to take anything that will pollute my system. I am not feeling depressed anymore as a result of my mediation and I do not need to take any pills for depression.

All said and done, since I have given up drinking alcohol and eating meat, my general feeling of well-being has increased and I have never felt happier. This week, and especially today, has just been a blip, and after meditating just now I have manage to sedate my anger. My sleep problems I am determined to solve more naturally and will not be taking drugs again.

Next week is going to be a better week, but here and now I am going to be happy.

Next: More ups and downs, but making progress