Toast & Works Christmas Party

Haven't posted for almost a month as there has not been much to report. My meditation has been up and down, but I would say progressing steadily, and I would say I am being more accepting and mindful in my day to day life without realising it. I do feel that I no longer have to think too much about staying calm, happy and relaxed as it now seems to come naturally to me.

Toast
On the 11 December I went with Robert to the monthly get together at All Saints church hall in Penarth. Although we are not part of the church and never go to the services, we do go this once a month as it is somewhere where the children can play and the parents / children can have a decent breakfast - bacon and egg sandwiches, cereal, fruit, etc. and it's all free with a small donation toward the church. This time Bernadette was not up to going so I went on my own with Robert. Normally I would feel uncomfortable about taking Robert on my own and not want to go, but when I got there I used some of my mindfulness and I really enjoyed my time there and chatted to one of the parents.

In the afternoon, at the same church, there was Christmas crafts 2 hours for the children, where the children can make different Christmas themed crafts and listen to a telling of the nativity. This time Bernadette joined us but I would still normally feel uncomfortable about going to the church, especially when the read the nativity and said a prayer. But I used the prayer and story as a meditation and I felt really happy and relaxed after it.

But, my biggest test was yet to come, the Works Christmas Party.

Works Christmas meal @ Studley Castle

My works Christmas meal was at Studley Castle in Studley on 15 December and, originally, I was going to drive up on my own but Matt (a work college) said he would pick me up from Cogan train station so only 2 cars went up. As it was only 6 out of 15 went from my office, 3 in each car. This was going to be an interesting works do as I am now a vegetarian and I don't drink, so I wasn't too sure how I would cope.

We got there for about 6.30, delayed in traffic and after Matt had a quick shower we went down to the bar to meet everyone. It was a free bar, all drinks was paid for by ROK! So Matt asked what I was drinking and after a brief pause I thought, going then I'll have a pint of lager. It took me an hour to drink that one pint and I didn't enjoy it, also by time I finished it we sat down for the meal.  I had a goats cheese encroute, which was very nice, and I avoided drinking the wine on the table.

After the meal there was a disco, which was not very good, only a couple of people bothered to dance, and most people then went to the bar. After my first pint, all I drank all night was a few glasses of coke and an orange juice. It was a very interesting experience staying sober whilst everyone else was slowly getting drunk, some more drunk then others.

By time I went to bed at 1.30 in the morning, I felt very good and pleased with myself that I had the control and will power not to start drinking, even though everyone else around me was. I would say today proved an amazing success on my path to enlightenment and proved I do not need a drink to have a good time and mix with people at social gatherings.

Doubts and Uncertainties

The past week has been a strange week. After helping at the Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race last weekend, I was feeling absolutely drained. I should have taken Monday off from work to recover, but I didn't realise I would feel that bad. I started having doubts by midweek as to whether this is the correct path for me and is it actually really making a difference. I was not able to meditate Monday or Tuesday, so this probably didn't help. Towards the end of the week, I was able to start meditating again, both mornings and evenings, and this has renewed my commitment to my journey.

Although I am starting to sleep better at night, I am still feeling very tired in the day time and I am lacking energy. This has been a problem when it comes to meditating, especially at night, as I feel myself falling asleep half way through it. Weekends are the worse for me. All I wanted to do on Saturday was just go back to bed and sleep. Even though I went out with my wife and son in the morning, I still felt very tired and could not enjoy it that much.

I am not going to the doctors again about this, all they seem to do is give you drugs and hope that it will work. I am now going to look at my diet and start eating 'superfoods' and hope that my energy reserves will increase. My main goal is to get back to my running as I think this is what I am missing.

Sunday was a better day. First I went to coffee and play at a St. Andrew's Church in Cardiff, where me and Bernadette can have a coffee and Rob has a selection of toys and games he could play with. He met up with 2 of his friends (twins) and they had a great time. We then went to a local little Café, the Wellfield Diner, for some food, and then on to Roath Park so Robert could have some fun in the playground. We also walked around the park amongst the trees collecting leaves for Robert to take to nursery with him on Monday.

After a wet and cloudy Saturday, the afternoon on Sunday turned out very nice, and spending a few hours in the park was very calming and relaxing. This time of year is wonderful, the trees are changing colour so what better way to spend it then in the park with the two most important people in my life.

After a bad start to the week, it finished on a high, and I feel renewed for what might lay ahead. My journey continues...

Next: Impatience, Unhappiness, Superfoods and Facebook