Mindful Moment

For the past few months, if not since last year, I have been rushing through life, letting things get to me and focusing on all the bad and unpleasant events in my life. But, now I'm back on my journey, I have been slowing down and trying to enjoy my life. It is difficult, but I think I'm getting there.

Something that is long overdue is a mindful moment, something which I used to have a lot of when I first started meditating, but which has been missing from my life. It happened whilst I was waiting for the train on Barry Docks station a few days ago.

View from Barry Docks station

To set the scene, the train station has got a nice view over the docks toward the Bristol Channel, then across to the coast of England. The train was running a few minutes late and normally I just let this annoy me. This time, I stood looking across the docks and noticed the sky. It was a pleasant, sunny day, with a mixture of blue sky, high clouds and fast moving lower clouds. It was so beautiful. I simply stood there, until the train arrived, watching the clouds float by without thinking of anything. I was just enjoying the shape, structure and colour of the clouds and the sensation of calmness it brought in me.

Sunrays over Barry Docks

Since then, I'm trying to do this more often. You can do this with any object, man made or natural. Just try looking at the object without analysing it or thinking about what it is. Don't look at clouds and start thinking thoughts such as, "Is it going to rain?", "I wish I brought my brolly, I'm going to get wet now.", "Did I leave the washing on the line?", etc. Just look at the clouds and enjoy the natural beauty of them, the form, structure and the way they do slowly change form as they drift across the sky.

You can do this with any thing. Don't look at a car and think "I would like one of those. I wonder how much it costs or how fast it goes?" Look at the colour, texture, the way the light reflects of the paint work, etc. Look around you and start enjoying the beauty of everything, man-made as well as natural, I most certainly intend to do this. I want to stop passing judgement and analysing everything. Like the clouds, I want to enjoy the beauty of life and the world, not just let it roll by without even noticing it. I want to live life moment by moment.

Panaromic view from Barry Docks station

My journey continues...

om mani padme hum
peace, love and happiness

Toast & Works Christmas Party

Haven't posted for almost a month as there has not been much to report. My meditation has been up and down, but I would say progressing steadily, and I would say I am being more accepting and mindful in my day to day life without realising it. I do feel that I no longer have to think too much about staying calm, happy and relaxed as it now seems to come naturally to me.

Toast
On the 11 December I went with Robert to the monthly get together at All Saints church hall in Penarth. Although we are not part of the church and never go to the services, we do go this once a month as it is somewhere where the children can play and the parents / children can have a decent breakfast - bacon and egg sandwiches, cereal, fruit, etc. and it's all free with a small donation toward the church. This time Bernadette was not up to going so I went on my own with Robert. Normally I would feel uncomfortable about taking Robert on my own and not want to go, but when I got there I used some of my mindfulness and I really enjoyed my time there and chatted to one of the parents.

In the afternoon, at the same church, there was Christmas crafts 2 hours for the children, where the children can make different Christmas themed crafts and listen to a telling of the nativity. This time Bernadette joined us but I would still normally feel uncomfortable about going to the church, especially when the read the nativity and said a prayer. But I used the prayer and story as a meditation and I felt really happy and relaxed after it.

But, my biggest test was yet to come, the Works Christmas Party.

Works Christmas meal @ Studley Castle

My works Christmas meal was at Studley Castle in Studley on 15 December and, originally, I was going to drive up on my own but Matt (a work college) said he would pick me up from Cogan train station so only 2 cars went up. As it was only 6 out of 15 went from my office, 3 in each car. This was going to be an interesting works do as I am now a vegetarian and I don't drink, so I wasn't too sure how I would cope.

We got there for about 6.30, delayed in traffic and after Matt had a quick shower we went down to the bar to meet everyone. It was a free bar, all drinks was paid for by ROK! So Matt asked what I was drinking and after a brief pause I thought, going then I'll have a pint of lager. It took me an hour to drink that one pint and I didn't enjoy it, also by time I finished it we sat down for the meal.  I had a goats cheese encroute, which was very nice, and I avoided drinking the wine on the table.

After the meal there was a disco, which was not very good, only a couple of people bothered to dance, and most people then went to the bar. After my first pint, all I drank all night was a few glasses of coke and an orange juice. It was a very interesting experience staying sober whilst everyone else was slowly getting drunk, some more drunk then others.

By time I went to bed at 1.30 in the morning, I felt very good and pleased with myself that I had the control and will power not to start drinking, even though everyone else around me was. I would say today proved an amazing success on my path to enlightenment and proved I do not need a drink to have a good time and mix with people at social gatherings.

Mindfulness Meditation and cycling

I have been back with Vicki for the past 2 weeks doing level II of the Mindful Space meditation course and I am glad I went back. I thought I have been practising mindfulness but now I realise I have been a bit lapse with it lately. It has also been good to be back with Vicki and to see some friendly faces from the previous course. Since going back I have started feeling happier again and I have been incorporating mindfulness back into my meditations. Look out for a review of the course over the next few weeks. This morning was such a good example of using mindfulness on my journey to work.

Frosty Train Journey

This morning was the first bad frost of the winter, and even though everything outside was frozen, I still decided to cycle into work. Wrapped up warm, with a thick coat, gloves and hat I left my house. During the ride from my house to the station, which is only 2 minutes away, I didn't really notice much as I left the house a bit late and had to rush to the station.

On the train I decided to read a bit more of A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield to improve my knowledge of mindfulness and Buddhism. Although I was getting adsorbed in Kornfield's views about meditation of the breath, I happen to look up as the train was passing over the viaduct across Porthkerry Park just outside Barry. It was then that I hand an amazing mindful moment. I normally like looking out at this point anyway, as to one side you've got the view across the park and trees and the other side is an amazing view across the Bristol Channel.

I don't normally notice the view that much, I enjoy it but I don't really appreciate it. This morning the sky was what brought it all back. There were clouds in the distance and below the clouds and above the hills of England was an amazing orange sky. There was rain falling in the distance and this gave the sky a more mystical feel to it. Also, the fields were white with a thick layer of frost that gave the park a festive feel. Just wish I had my phone ready to take a photo of the view, but by time I thought about that the train was across the viaduct and the view was blocked by trees and house. For the rest of the journey I continued reading but was determined to be more mindful of my cycle ride from Llantwit Major to my office.

Mindful Cycle Ride

Wrapped up nice and warm, with the crisp, fresh air against my face, I started my 3 mile cycle ride up the country lanes to my office. As I left Llantwit Major the first thing I noticed was the cold air against my face, the only part of me that was exposed to the elements. Normally I would be uncomfortable with this, but using mindfulness I welcomed the experience and explored all the different sensations I felt. After a while I soon forget about the cold and continued my journey.

The next thing I noticed was the crisp, white frost covering all the hedgerows and fields. Also, I noticed how bright the morning sun was, still low in the sky and with a hint of warmth, shining through the gaps in the hedges. I was more noticeable of my shadow as I chased it up the lanes, never quite catching it. Along with glorious blue sky dotted here and there with clouds reminded me that winter was definitely on it's way. But, instead of thinking all the negative aspects of winter, I started to enjoy the feelings and emotions I was getting. The feeling of the cold against my face and the comfort of the warmth from my coat. The feelings of happiness to be able to experience this wonderful morning from on my bike and not inside the car. It made me feel happy to be alive.

I'm also more mindful of the sounds I experience along the way, and I start noticing sounds that I would normally miss. I firstly notice dogs barking from the kennels as I pass them, cars travelling along the road in the distance and the odd sheep bleating in the fields. But this morning I noticed the sounds of my trousers brushing against the bike as I pressed down on the peddles, the sounds of the tyres travelling across the frozen leaves of the lane, the sound of my breath as it was entering and leaving my body. As a result, I thought I would do the rest of the journey mindfully.

As the gradual, uphill climb to my office began, my focus turned from the sights and sounds to my body. I noticed how my breathing was changing, getting quicker and more laboured as my body started exerting against the climb. I noticed how cold the air was entering my body and the warmth of it leaving. I felt all the muscles of my legs straining against the peddles, pushing me closer and closer to my office. I noticed the warmth of my body increasing despite the cold, frosty air. I allowed my self to embrace and welcome all these feelings and slowed my speed to enjoy them even more. I then expanded my experience to take in all the surrounding country side, the sights, sounds and feelings, to such an extent that I almost felt one with the entire world.

Renewed Mindfulness

It has been a few months since I had such a happy, mindful experience cycling to work that I had almost forgotten the feeling of bliss and joy I get from it. Recently, my journeys have simply been a pleasant, and occasionally not so pleasant, ride to work with now joy of the experience of cycling the wonders of the world around me. I feel so invigorated and renewed, I now know that I am on the right journey. I now feel that the next few months are going to reveal something special, that my meditation and the path I following are going to introduce me to more amazing and wonderful experiences.

Flu, Energy and Hotels

It has not been a good 3 weeks since my last post. My energy levels have hit rock bottom and I have had flu-like symptoms for the past 2 1/2 weeks or so. I even missed a day of work because I felt so bad. As a result of my lack of energy I have been struggling with my meditation as well as my day-to-day activities. I think I'm now over the worst of it, just a bit of sinus congestion and that seems to be improving so hopefully I can start getting back on my journey again.

The past 3 weeks have not all been bad, I had a very nice 2 day break, just me and my wife, at the Aviator Hotel in Farnborough right next to the airfield. We both hadn't had a break for a while so we arranged with our son to stay with his 2 great aunts in Tadley, just outside Basingstoke, so we could both have a chance to relax and spend some quality time together. We treated ourselves to a luxury 2 night stay in the Aviator Hotel in their Sky Studio Air suite overlooking the airfield so we could watch the private jets take off and land. It was a very successful short break. We had a wonderful time, the room and hotel was amazing and, most importantly, it gave me chance to spend and enjoy some time with my wife. It done us both the world of good and I even managed to get some meditation in whilst I was there.

I have been catching up on my reading, I'm currently making my way through A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield, which was recommended reading for the Mindful Space meditation course I went on earlier this year, see my earlier blog post on Mindfulness Meditation. This is proving to be a very thought provoking read and is helping me get back into my meditation and mindful ways.

I'm still meditating every Monday with Charana and Prabhavati and studying the philosophies and Sri Chinmoy. Next Wednesday (10 November 2010) I'm going to Bristol to watch the Songs of the Soul. It is a concert of Sri Chinmoy’s heart-warming, soul-stirring music which has been acclaimed and celebrated by musical giants including Ravi Shankar, Leonard Bernstein and Quincy Jones. Over his lifetime, Sri Chinmoy offered almost 800 concerts around the world, all of them free of charge, in the belief that the inner peace and happiness he sought to convey through his music was everyone's birthright. I shall add a post to my blog with a review of the concert and my thoughts.

I have also singed up for an advanced Mindfulness course, again with Vicki, at Insole Court in Cardiff, after she emailed me asking if I would like to come along to it. As I would like to advance my meditation and I feel I am stuck in a rut with it a bit, I thought it would be very useful to do another course, also it would be good to see Vicki again and have a chat with her about how I'm progressing. Unfortunately I have to miss the first class next Wednesday as it clashes with the Songs of the Soul concert, but I can make it to the rest of the classes.

Mindfulness Meditation

January - May 2010

As I said, off I went on Wednesday night to my first Mindfulness Meditation class not knowing what to expect. It was quite a relaxed group with a handful of people from all walks of life with a variety of different problems and, like me, a bit sceptical. The course consisted of the teacher introducing us to mindfulness, what it is and how it would help us in our day to day lives. We only done about 15 / 20 minutes worth of meditation but it was good talking to people about my problems and listening to them. Once the class finished she encouraged us to meditate for about 5 minutes a day for at least 5 days.

After the first class I did feel there might be something in this and I thought I'd give it a go. So, I meditated every day for at least 10 minutes and I did feel something, but still did not know what. I explained what was happening to the teacher and the other students and they encouraged me to keep it going. Each class consisted off learning about different areas of mindfulness and encouraging us to increase our meditation from 5 minutes up to about 30 minutes. Vicki also taught different types of meditation, including walking and standing, as well as sitting meditation. She also told us how to be mindful of all situations in day to day life.

After the first 4 weeks, on my 39th birthday, my wife said that she noticed how relaxed I was becoming and that I was not shouting at at her as often as I used too. In fact she was beginning to enjoy my company again. So we both agreed that I should finish the course, which consisted of another 6 classes, and see how I get on.

By the end of the 10 weeks, I felt like I was a new person. My meditation had increased to about 20 to 30 minutes every day, sometimes twice a day, and I was able to cope with my day to day life, at home and in work. I had stopped getting angry at my wife and was again enjoying spending time with her and my son. I was also enjoying seeing the world in new way using mindfulness. It was amazing.

After reading a couple of books on mindfulness, Full Catastrophe Living: How to Cope with Stress, Pain and Illness Using Mindfulness Meditation by John Kabat-Zinn and The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn. I wanted to take this further.

So, after the Easter break, I went back for a second course with the same teacher at the same place. This time it was a proper 6 weeks course and pushed us more to do longer and more intense meditations, which was just what I wanted. By the end of the course I was meditating more at home, in the morning when I first wake up and at night before bed, and was more mindful of everything.

During this course I had bought a little folding bike to start cycling into work and to improve my fitness, I was also beginning not to enjoy driving as I was finding it too stressful. I got a folding bike (see picture above) because I needed to catch a train to work as it is just too far to cycle from Penarth to Llantwit Major, and a folding bike seemed the best option as I can fit it in a car if I needed a lift, as well as on the train. Whilst cycling down some of the country lanes outside Llantwit Major to my office, which consisted of a farm and lovely green hedgerows, I was beginning to notice how wonderful everything was and how vibrant the colours were. This helped me relax even more and I used this as a form of meditation.

Once the course finished at the end of May 2010, both myself and my wife were amazed by the change in me. I was a much happier and relaxed person, I was able to enjoy everything I do and my anger had all but gone. If I did feel myself snapping, I was able to control it and not get so angry. I would recommend mindfulness meditation to anyone who want to control there anger or overcome depression. It can even be used to help control and overcome physical pain as well.

Once the course finished at the end of May 2010, both myself and my wife were amazed by the change in me. I was a much happier and relaxed person, I was able to enjoy everything I do and my anger had all but gone. If I did feel myself snapping, I was able to control it and not get so angry. I would recommend mindfulness meditation to anyone who want to control their anger or overcome depression. It can even be used to help control and overcome physical pain as well.

Next, Buddhism and Sri Chinmoy.

The start of my journey

Welcome everyone to my incredible journey on a path that will hopefully make me understand more about what I was placed on this earth to do and who I really am.

January 2010

It all started about a month before my 39th birthday in January, 2010. Up until then I was not certain what I really wanted from life or who I actually was. I was getting angry and frustrated with myself and was taking this out on other people, especially my wife and son. I was becoming very angry, very, very depressed and was not enjoying life at all. It had reached a stage where I had to sort this problem out or, well, I do not want to imagine what the alternative would be.

My first solution was to go to the docs to get some tablets to calm me down and help me sleep, but this would be my last resort as I preferred to solve this using more natural methods rather than polluting my body with poisons. I did try herbal remedies but they did not help.

Then, at the start of January 2010, my wife discovered a website offering courses in Mindfulness Meditation. I was very dubious and sceptical, but after a few emails to the teacher, Vicki, about the course I convinced myself to go along and try it out. It was a drop in course where you paid on the night so I didn't have to commit myself to anything. So off I went on the Wednesday night, 20th January, to Insole Court in Cardiff with an open mind and not too sure what to expect.

Next: Mindfulness Meditation