Buddhism

Now that I have fully welcomed Buddha into my life, and embraced the Buddhist path and way of living, I am feeling wonderful. Summer has finally arrived, the sun is hovering overhead in a clear blue sky and I am feeling happy with myself and life. Maybe it's the course of accupuncture treatments I'm having to help with my insomnia and general fatigue, or maybe it's the meditation, or a combination of both, but I'm not complaining, I'm enjoying it.

Insomnia is actually a good thing for a Buddhist who wants a regular meditation practice, in a weird sort of way. Take last night for instance. It was a hot, muggy night and even after my weekly meditation at the Barry Meditation Center, where we done a walking meditation followed by a 6 stage elements meditation, I still could not get 2 sleep. By 1am I was up, in front of my shrine meditating, which always helps. Managed to get to sleep by 3, but still woke up at 6 in time for my morning meditation. I wake up most morning between 5.30 and 6, so you can see the life of an insomniac means that I always have time for meditation.

I had my accunpuncture session today, needles in my legs, arms and head, and I think I actually fell asleep at one point and started snoring, but the therapist didn't say anything. A couple of weeks ago I wasn't enjoying my life much, always tired, couldn't get the energy or enthusiasm to do much. But now I back to enjoying life, enjoying the summer and generally being happy.

One final point today, I mentioned in an earlier post that I might need to arrange to see my GP about my  fatigue / sleepless night. Well, the way I have been feeling this week I don't think I need to, although I'll see how I am over the next few weeks.

om mani padme hum
peace, love and happiness

What Have I Been Up To?

What Have I Been Up To?

Well, I definitely have been a bit lapse with my posting, it's been over a year since my last post. So, what have I been up to? It has been a busy 13 months - 1/2 marathons, new house, Butlins, new baby, new car, Buddhism and fatigue.

Cardiff 1/2 Marathon, October 2011

Well, as mentioned back in June I was training for Cardiff 1/2 marathon which I did enter and finished, not in my time of 1 hour 30 minutes but in respectable 1 hour, 44 minutes and 54 seconds. I adjusted my target time as my training wasn't going the best so I just simply went out running for the enjoyment of running. Even so, I set a target of 1:45 which I just ducked inside so I am very happy with that.

Unfortunately, after the race my training stopped as my tiredness and fatigue started to take hold of me again (more about that later). So, as a result I haven't been out running since.

Buying a house

Another huge change in my life is that me and Bernadette have finally stopped renting and bought our own home. It's only taken my 41 years, but I have finally got a mortgage and I am a home owner. We bought a house in the heart of Barry, Wales and moved into the house back in February, 2012. The move from Penarth to Barry went relatively smoothly, I hired a van for 3 days and moved the furniture ourselves. I quite enjoyed being White Van Man for that time, was a bit said to give the van back.

Butlins, another baby and new car

After the move, to give ourselves a nice break, we went back to Butlins in Bognor Regis for a weeks holiday and Robert has been really looking forward to going back there. That's all he had been going on about for the past year. So, we went the week after Easter and, although the weather wasn't the best, we still had a wonderful time.

It was towards the end of the holiday that Bernadette suspected that she might be pregnant, so when we got home we made a quick visit to Boots to get the 'kit' and it confirmed she was pregnant. I wasn't too sure at the time if I wanted to be a dad again, but over past few weeks I have grown to accept it and it might be quite nice to bring up a new baby again. We've been for the first scan, everything is fine and the baby is due 13 December, 2012. The first trimester wasn't the best as Bernadette was very bad morning-noon-and-night sickness, as well as dizziness and tiredness. As a result I had to look after Robert, drop him off and pick him up from school. This didn't help my tiredness, and did effect my work a bit.

Bernadette is now feeling better so things have returned to normal, where she is taking Rob to and from school and I'm catching the train into work. We have also traded in our rusty old Corsa for a bigger Renault Scenic to accommodate the second child seat an excess baby luggage.

Buddhism and my spiritual progress

To get back to what this blog is about, my spiritual progress. Since my move to Barry and I have found it more difficult to get to the Cardiff Sri Chinmoy centre for my meditation. I started to realise that the path I was taking was not working for me and I was feeling it more a hindrance. My meditation had all but stopped and I stopped enjoying my time again, reverting back to how I felt before I started the mindfulness course with Vicki. The ideologies taught by Sri Chinmoy are wonderful and I don't regret for one instance following his teachings and the path. I will even take a lot of what he said with me on my future path.

But I have come to the conclusion that it is the Buddhist path I want to follow and, as such, I've started to meditate every Wednesday at the Barry Meditation Centre which is only a mile down the road from where I live. I have also attend my first Puja  the 24 June at the Cardiff Buddhist Centre which was an amazing experience. I am now back to studying Buddhism and meditating mindfully, and I'm slowly returning to the path of my Journey to Enlightenment.

Fatigue and Acupuncture

One final point, not a good one, is that, as mentioned earlier, my fatigue and tiredness has returned. I have not been out running since last year and all I want to do at the weekends is stay in bed. I'm starting to have difficulty sleeping at night and enjoying my time with my wife and son. As a result, I have started another course of acupuncture with Chinese lady at a place in Bridgend. I have only had 2 treatments, so it's still early days so I'm going to wait and see what happens.

I am determined to either overcome, or even learn to live with my fatigue without a visit to the doctors, although I might arrange an appointment with them just to give myself an M.O.T. and make sure there is nothing more seriously wrong with me. To do this, I am starting to meditate at least once a day, eat healthily and get to bed early. I am keeping a record of everything I do in a private blog, so I'll keep you all informed how I progress in this blog.

That's all folks!

Well, that's a brief summary what I have been up to, when I get the chance again I'll post more. I'll also try a post some more positive messages as well.

om mani padme hum
peace, love and happiness

Mindfulness Meditation and cycling

I have been back with Vicki for the past 2 weeks doing level II of the Mindful Space meditation course and I am glad I went back. I thought I have been practising mindfulness but now I realise I have been a bit lapse with it lately. It has also been good to be back with Vicki and to see some friendly faces from the previous course. Since going back I have started feeling happier again and I have been incorporating mindfulness back into my meditations. Look out for a review of the course over the next few weeks. This morning was such a good example of using mindfulness on my journey to work.

Frosty Train Journey

This morning was the first bad frost of the winter, and even though everything outside was frozen, I still decided to cycle into work. Wrapped up warm, with a thick coat, gloves and hat I left my house. During the ride from my house to the station, which is only 2 minutes away, I didn't really notice much as I left the house a bit late and had to rush to the station.

On the train I decided to read a bit more of A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield to improve my knowledge of mindfulness and Buddhism. Although I was getting adsorbed in Kornfield's views about meditation of the breath, I happen to look up as the train was passing over the viaduct across Porthkerry Park just outside Barry. It was then that I hand an amazing mindful moment. I normally like looking out at this point anyway, as to one side you've got the view across the park and trees and the other side is an amazing view across the Bristol Channel.

I don't normally notice the view that much, I enjoy it but I don't really appreciate it. This morning the sky was what brought it all back. There were clouds in the distance and below the clouds and above the hills of England was an amazing orange sky. There was rain falling in the distance and this gave the sky a more mystical feel to it. Also, the fields were white with a thick layer of frost that gave the park a festive feel. Just wish I had my phone ready to take a photo of the view, but by time I thought about that the train was across the viaduct and the view was blocked by trees and house. For the rest of the journey I continued reading but was determined to be more mindful of my cycle ride from Llantwit Major to my office.

Mindful Cycle Ride

Wrapped up nice and warm, with the crisp, fresh air against my face, I started my 3 mile cycle ride up the country lanes to my office. As I left Llantwit Major the first thing I noticed was the cold air against my face, the only part of me that was exposed to the elements. Normally I would be uncomfortable with this, but using mindfulness I welcomed the experience and explored all the different sensations I felt. After a while I soon forget about the cold and continued my journey.

The next thing I noticed was the crisp, white frost covering all the hedgerows and fields. Also, I noticed how bright the morning sun was, still low in the sky and with a hint of warmth, shining through the gaps in the hedges. I was more noticeable of my shadow as I chased it up the lanes, never quite catching it. Along with glorious blue sky dotted here and there with clouds reminded me that winter was definitely on it's way. But, instead of thinking all the negative aspects of winter, I started to enjoy the feelings and emotions I was getting. The feeling of the cold against my face and the comfort of the warmth from my coat. The feelings of happiness to be able to experience this wonderful morning from on my bike and not inside the car. It made me feel happy to be alive.

I'm also more mindful of the sounds I experience along the way, and I start noticing sounds that I would normally miss. I firstly notice dogs barking from the kennels as I pass them, cars travelling along the road in the distance and the odd sheep bleating in the fields. But this morning I noticed the sounds of my trousers brushing against the bike as I pressed down on the peddles, the sounds of the tyres travelling across the frozen leaves of the lane, the sound of my breath as it was entering and leaving my body. As a result, I thought I would do the rest of the journey mindfully.

As the gradual, uphill climb to my office began, my focus turned from the sights and sounds to my body. I noticed how my breathing was changing, getting quicker and more laboured as my body started exerting against the climb. I noticed how cold the air was entering my body and the warmth of it leaving. I felt all the muscles of my legs straining against the peddles, pushing me closer and closer to my office. I noticed the warmth of my body increasing despite the cold, frosty air. I allowed my self to embrace and welcome all these feelings and slowed my speed to enjoy them even more. I then expanded my experience to take in all the surrounding country side, the sights, sounds and feelings, to such an extent that I almost felt one with the entire world.

Renewed Mindfulness

It has been a few months since I had such a happy, mindful experience cycling to work that I had almost forgotten the feeling of bliss and joy I get from it. Recently, my journeys have simply been a pleasant, and occasionally not so pleasant, ride to work with now joy of the experience of cycling the wonders of the world around me. I feel so invigorated and renewed, I now know that I am on the right journey. I now feel that the next few months are going to reveal something special, that my meditation and the path I following are going to introduce me to more amazing and wonderful experiences.

Noble Eightfold Path

Just an afterthought from my previous post (Impatience, Unhappiness, Superfoods and Facebook), the journey I'm on consists of me following the Noble Eightfold Path:

"The Noble Eightfold Path (Sanskrit: āryāṣṭāṅgamārga) is one of the principal teachings of the Buddha, who described it as the way leading to the cessation of suffering (dukkha) and the achievement of self-awakening. It is used to develop insight into the true nature of phenomena (or reality) and to eradicate greed, hatred, and delusion. The Noble Eightfold Path is the fourth of the Buddha's Four Noble Truths; the first element of the Noble Eightfold Path is, in turn, an understanding of the Four Noble Truths. It is also known as the Middle Path or Middle Way." (quote from Wikipedia)

The Dharma wheel

The Eightfold Path consists of:

1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

I find that the use of Facebook does not help with following this path as sometimes it can affect me too much and divert my from my true path and feelings. This is why I am refraining from using Facebook until I have got a better grasp and understanding of all these elements. Then, if I return to Facebook, I will be able to post and respond with the right frame of mind.

Impatience, Unhappiness, Superfoods and Facebook

I know my journey would never be easy and fast, but I'm starting to feel impatient that my destination seems a long way away, almost out of reach. One of my major obstacles in reaching Enlightenment is coping with my day to day life and the people I meet. Over the past week I have been finding it difficult to relax and accept what is happening, even my meditation isn't helping and I am struggling with that.

Recently, I have been letting friends, family and strangers upset me too much and this is bringing me down, almost to the point I was at the beginning of the year. I am going to have to be more disciplined when it comes to my meditation, as I have been a bit lapse with it lately and this is probably why I'm feeling so low. I am also not sleeping again and this is making me more tired through the day.

As a result of almost falling asleep in work and wanting to spend the entire weekend in bed, I am trying to overcome my lack of energy by improving my diet and eating more "Superfoods." I have bought a packet of Super-Formula +plus - a 100% natural food supplement consisting of vitamins, minerals and phytonurients. It's ingredients are organic pre-sprouted barley, organic barley grass, organic wheatgrass, Hawaiian spirulana pacifica and organic acerola. When mixed with oat milk (a drink I really enjoy over cereal as an alternative to cow's milk) it makes a horrible looking green drink, but it does actually taste better than what it looks. Lets hope it works.

I have also been posting on Facebook occasionally about how I feel and I also do like to leave comments in response to my 'friends' status updates or posts the leave. This is normally quite fun and relaxing, but as soon as you leave a comment someone disagrees with then it goes from being just a bit of fun to something more serious and even upsetting. I do enjoy posting messages and photos on Facebook and reading comments left by other people, it can also be a nice little tool to find out what's going on and arrange meeting with friends and associates. If used correctly it can be fun and informative. But lately I have felt it has been too much of a distraction along my path (the Noble Eightfold Path) as I  have been letting certain comments upset me too much, so as a result I have now deactivated my account.

Maybe in the future when I am more relaxed and at peace with myself and the world, I might reactivate my account. But at the moment I am having enough trouble coping with the 'real' world and I don't need any more hasle from the 'virtual' world of Facebook. "We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves", quote from Dalai Lama, also:

I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.

As a result, I am going to focus on receiving happiness and peace when I meditate.

Peace and happiness to you all.
Stephen

Buddhism and Sri Chinmoy

May - September 2010

As my meditation progressed and improved during the mindfulness meditation course, I was interested in taking my meditation further and exploring new ways of meditating. I instantly thought of Buddhism and started reading about this and the life of Buddha. I also bought a A Simple Path by the Dalai Lama to read up on his teachings about Buddhism.

Reading about the life and philosophies of the Buddha was extraordinary and made me realise that maybe this is what I have been searching for all my life. The whole concept behind Buddhism, the peace, loving-kindness and acceptance of everyone no matter what race, creed or religion was what I have been striving for. Having been brought up a Christian, firstly Church in Wales and then Catholic, I found this too restrictive and a lot of so called Christians I've met who do go to church do not necessarily practice what they preach. Also, too many wars have been fought in the name of religion and I was getting fed up with it.

Buddhism I discovered was different. It is all about peace, acceptance and non-violence. So towards the end of my meditation course with Vicki, I went in search of another meditation group to join, something to allow me to take my meditation that one step closer to enlightenment. It's during my search I came across a little card in Halcyon Daze on Wellfield Road, Cardiff advertising this free meditation group in the Temple of Peace in Cardiff. My wife suggested I go along to try it out and that's where I fist met Charana who was giving talks about Sri Chinmoy and meditation. This new path began for me on 10th May, 2010 on a Monday night.

This was a more spiritual path and form of meditation than I was use to and thought that maybe it was not for me. But I went back for a few more weeks, listened to more of his talks and started practising this form of meditation. As the weeks progressed I started getting a greater sense of peace and joy from meditation. I have now been reading a couple of books by Sri Chimnoy about his philosophies, teachings and his meditation techniques and it has been quite inspiring. I did not realise I could have this much love and happiness in my life, but as a result of the meditation I am now enjoying my life.

Sri Chinmoy, who sadly passed away in October 2007, was an Indian spiritual teacher and philosopher who emigrated to the U.S. in 1964. His teachings emphasize love for God, daily meditation on the heart, service to the world, and religious tolerance (a view that "all faiths" are essentially divine) (quote from Wikipedia). This is very similar to the Buddhism philosphy about tolerance and acceptance, also peace and love towards all things.

For proof of how far I progressed, at the end of August I went and stayed with my wife's parents and normally I feel so uncomfortable staying with them and I tended to isolate myself from them. This time it was different. I actually felt happy, calm and relaxed and really enjoyed my time with them. My wife's mother even commented to her how different I was, that I seemed more happy and joined in with them more. Normally when I visit them I can't wait to leave and come home, but this time I was upset that I had to come home. So, there is something in this meditation that is helping me.

I have now been going to the group on a Monday, meditating on Sri Chinmoy with Charana (my teacher) and his wife Prabhavati. I still have a long way to go, but what an experience I've had so far. I have also had my downs as well us my ups, sometimes doubting if the meditation is worth it and if it is actually making a difference, and I'm still finding it difficult putting everything I've learnt so far into practice. It takes a lot of commitment to continue with the meditation, but I now have a goal and sense of purpose, so I can ride out the bad days as I know they will improve.

Now you're up to date with my progress so far, I will try and add regular posts to keep you informed on how I'm progressing.

Peace, love and happiness to you all,

Stephen

Next: Ups & Downs, Sleeplessness, Anger, Alcohol and Eating Meat