Self-Transcendence and Meditation Healing

Well, since my previous post over a week ago I have been making amazing progress in my search for enlightenment (god). I don't think I have ever felt better and at peace with myself and the world. I've had a busy but relaxing 10 days that has helped me find myself. I've help organise the Self Transcendence 2 mile race in Cardiff last Friday (13 May) and, following that, me and Bernadette spent the weekend at the Self Realization Meditation Centre in Llandeilo, Wales to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary on the Sunday. Both these events were amazing and inspiring.

Since I've started my acupuncture and stopped the medication from the doctors, I find that I am beginning to get a better nights sleep, although still restless, but I am waking up in the mornings feeling more positive. I am also able to continue this feeling throughout the day, even when bad things happen, and it is making me feel a lot more happier. Also, after finally accepting Sri Chinmoy as my guru (teacher) and becoming one of his disciples then I can relax even more as I now got meaning to my life.

The feelings and emotions I've been feeling since my anniversary are amazing, I feel so much love not just for my wife and son, but for everyone and everything. This is absolutely wonderful, may this feeling long continue.

Peace, love and happiness to everyone.

7th Wedding Anniversary

14th - 16th May, 2011

Whilst I was helping out at the Self-Transcendence 2 mile run, my wife was busy trying to find a vegetarian B&B or guest house for us to stay for our anniversary. We had arranged for my parents to look after Robert from Saturday afternoon until Monday so we thought that it would be nice to get away for a couple of days. After hours of searching Bernadette booked two nights at the Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre in Llandeilo, Carmarthenshire in West Wales. This was a surprise as I am really into meditation and spirituality and Bernadette isn't, so this is my blog of how it went.

Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre, Wales

After a pleasant journey west from Cardiff we arrive at the centre at about 6.30 and our host for the weekend had a lovely vegetarian meal and a smile ready for us as we arrived. We enjoyed this in the lounge with a proper log burning fire to warm us up. After our meal, we were shown to our room and she explained we were the only people staying for the weekend so we had unique use of the bathroom and the lounge.

Meditation would be at 7.30pm that day and Sunday, as well as 6.45am tomorrow morning then 6.30 on Monday. My wife thought, "Great! Whilst Stephen is meditating I can watch the Eurovision song contest without being disturbed." This was when we were told that there was no TV or a radio in the centre, so she couldn't even listen to the song contest. We didn't even have a mobile phone signal in the area, it was as if we were cut off from the outside world. This come as a huge shock to Bernadette, but luckily she found a cupboard with some games and jigsaws in there, so she started doing one of the jigsaws.

The meditation was based on the teachings of the guru Mata Yogananda Mahasaya Dharma, and in the meditation room they had a picture of here on the wall. Their focus, as quoted on their website, "is on providing teaching, care, nurturing, clearing of emotions and balancing of body, mind and spirit for all who desire peace, harmony, health and progress." The meditation sessions over the weekend which were about an hour each time was amazing, even though there was only 2 of us there. After each session I felt a tremendous feeling of calm and happiness.

Sunday, 15th May 2011 - Our 7th Wedding Anniversary

I got up at 6 to have a shower before my early morning meditation at 6.45am, needless to say that my wife for 7 years stayed in bed. Then, after waking my wife up at 8.30 and wishing her happy anniversary, we had a lovely cooked veggie breakfast (Quorn sausages). Once breakfast was finished we went for a drive to see if anywhere was opening in this part of Wales. We ended up in Llandeilo and it was there where we found this amazing ice cream and chocolate shop called Heavenly, and it was definitely heavenly by name and heavenly by nature. We both had an ice cream each, which is something of a tradition as we had an My Whippy ice cream after our photo shoot at South Stack lighthouse in Anglesey on out Wedding Day. The ice cream was amazing and the amount we had for one portion was equivalent to at least three scoops of the ice cream I had in London a couple of weeks ago. Bernadette also bought a reduced Easter egg with actual, edible gold leafs on it. This was definitely the wife's version of Heaven.

After that we went for another little drive and ended up in Lampeter, were we had a very nice meal in The Royal Oak pub. We then went back to the the B&B where we explored the grounds around the centre before my evening meditation. During my meditation Bernadette stayed in the grounds and took lots of photos, some of which can be seen in my flickr album, we then relaxed in front of the log fire for the rest of the evening.

We were both sorry to leave on the Monday, and, despite not having a TV and radio, Bernadette really enjoyed her stay. I felt spiritually refreshed as it was good to meditate with another spiritual person on a slightly different path to myself. It's a pity the centre in Wales is up for sale, for reasons I won't go into in my blog, as I would love to stay there again and it is very relaxing and in such a beautiful part of Wales. I returned home with such an amazing feeling of love for my wife and felt very at peace with myself.

Happy Anniversary Bernadette and thank you for such a wonderful weekend, I love you so very much.

Self-Transcendence 2 Mile Race

Pontcanna Fields, Cardiff, 13th May 2011

In May, June and July every year the Sri Chinmoy Marathon Team organises and runs a series of Self-Transcendence races in Cardiff, a 2 mile, 3 mile and 4 mile race as well as a relay. Since I am now a disciple I do like to help out with all the events as much as I can so I took the day of from work to help at the 2 mile race. I turned up at the Run and Become shop in Cardiff at about 3pm to load up the card with signs, medals, mallets, stakes and all sorts of items needed for the race, I was surprised to fit it all in my little Corsa.

We didn't leave the shop until about 4.30 and the race was due to start at 7, so we made a dash for Pontcanna Fields to start setting up the race. We quickly drove around the course attaching arrows, warning signs and mile markers to trees, posts, stakes (now you know why we needed them) to help the runners follow the course and warn other people that there was a race in progress. Registration was supposed to start at about 6.20, but we didn't finish setting up the course until about 6.25 and tents et al was still locked up in Charana's car. People were being registered from the back of one of the other disciples car, which looked strange and not efficient, but due to the spiritual nature of the race all the runners seemed to take it in their stride with very little complaining.

As a result the race started 10 minutes late, but the runners didn't mind and it was a huge success with over 130 runners taking part, more than any other year. I think all the runners enjoyed the race, the ones I spoke to at the end said it was a good race. Once we all packed up, me and some of the other disciples went for a vegetarian curry, which was well deserved, I then went home.

What a wonderful and inspiring day. Even though the race started late and we were delayed setting up the course, it was still a calm and peaceful day. The smiles on the runners as well as the disciples faces said it all. I went home to my wife at 10.30pm tired but very, very happy.

I'm back. Doctors, acupuncture, becoming a disciple and house buying

I have been a bit lapse with updating my blog lately, by now I'm going to try and update at least once a week,  more often if something of significance happens in my life. But just to bring you up to since my last blog Thoughts in December, my life has taken a new step and changed for the better.

It was a long hard winter, problems with the car, the weather was very cold with lots of snow and short, dull days that did not help with my mental well-being and achieving happiness. Also I have also been having trouble with people close to me, accepting who I am and not just simply trying to cause arguments and misunderstanding my intentions. Also, we couldn't get to North Wales to spend Christmas with my parent-in-laws as the car was not working (dead battery) due the cold weather and the weather was to bad to travel anyway. This upset my wife as we were both  really looking forward to spending Christmas with here parents.

I've been continuing with my meditation and that did help me get through January and I was beginning to feel happier with myself, although I was still feeling very tired at the weekends and not getting much sleep at night. Been back and forth to the doctors about this and all she has been doing is prescribing me one anti-depressant tablet after another, she thinks that I must be depressed, although I don't think I am. Having taken them for almost 3 months with no results, I have stopped as I have started on a course of acupuncture with the Chinese herbalist in Penarth. I shall write more about this in a future blog, but needless to say I think it is working as my sleep, although not that long, is improving and I'm feeling better in the morning. I'm going to the docs on Wednesday and I'm going to tell her once and for all that I no longer need to take any of her drugs.

One other change in my life, and one I will never regret, is that on the 7 February, 2011 I officially become a disciple of Sri Chinmoy. This involves meditating at the Sri Chinmoy centre in Cardiff every Wednesday and Sunday evening at 7.30pm as well as my daily meditations at home. I have also been to a couple of Joy days at the centre in London, more about these in a future blog. But what an wonderful experience I'm having and all the other disciples are such an amazing, happy group of people. As a result of this I have never been happier or more contented with my life. I think this is what I have been looking for.

I've also been on holiday with my wife, son and parents to Butlins in Bognor Regis which was very fun for all of us and, most importantly, brought me closer to my mum and dad. After the holiday they now fully accept I'm a vegetarian and that I don't drink alcohol. Also, more recently, they have begun accepting the fact that I meditate, but I've still yet to tell them I'm now a disciple. I'm might write more about this in yet another post.

I'm also in the process of finally buying a house after renting all these years. Mortgage all sorted just got to wait for contracts to be exchanged. So this is an exciting and busy time for me, but I'm not feeling stressed about it all, thanks to my meditation. I'll blog more about this as it happens.

All in all, since February, this year has been a very good year and I have never felt  happier or more contented with my life. There are some major changes going on in my life, but it is all very exciting and I'm  positive about everything that is happening.

Well that's it for the moment. Peace, love and happiness to you (the reader) and everyone.

Mindfulness Meditation and cycling

I have been back with Vicki for the past 2 weeks doing level II of the Mindful Space meditation course and I am glad I went back. I thought I have been practising mindfulness but now I realise I have been a bit lapse with it lately. It has also been good to be back with Vicki and to see some friendly faces from the previous course. Since going back I have started feeling happier again and I have been incorporating mindfulness back into my meditations. Look out for a review of the course over the next few weeks. This morning was such a good example of using mindfulness on my journey to work.

Frosty Train Journey

This morning was the first bad frost of the winter, and even though everything outside was frozen, I still decided to cycle into work. Wrapped up warm, with a thick coat, gloves and hat I left my house. During the ride from my house to the station, which is only 2 minutes away, I didn't really notice much as I left the house a bit late and had to rush to the station.

On the train I decided to read a bit more of A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield to improve my knowledge of mindfulness and Buddhism. Although I was getting adsorbed in Kornfield's views about meditation of the breath, I happen to look up as the train was passing over the viaduct across Porthkerry Park just outside Barry. It was then that I hand an amazing mindful moment. I normally like looking out at this point anyway, as to one side you've got the view across the park and trees and the other side is an amazing view across the Bristol Channel.

I don't normally notice the view that much, I enjoy it but I don't really appreciate it. This morning the sky was what brought it all back. There were clouds in the distance and below the clouds and above the hills of England was an amazing orange sky. There was rain falling in the distance and this gave the sky a more mystical feel to it. Also, the fields were white with a thick layer of frost that gave the park a festive feel. Just wish I had my phone ready to take a photo of the view, but by time I thought about that the train was across the viaduct and the view was blocked by trees and house. For the rest of the journey I continued reading but was determined to be more mindful of my cycle ride from Llantwit Major to my office.

Mindful Cycle Ride

Wrapped up nice and warm, with the crisp, fresh air against my face, I started my 3 mile cycle ride up the country lanes to my office. As I left Llantwit Major the first thing I noticed was the cold air against my face, the only part of me that was exposed to the elements. Normally I would be uncomfortable with this, but using mindfulness I welcomed the experience and explored all the different sensations I felt. After a while I soon forget about the cold and continued my journey.

The next thing I noticed was the crisp, white frost covering all the hedgerows and fields. Also, I noticed how bright the morning sun was, still low in the sky and with a hint of warmth, shining through the gaps in the hedges. I was more noticeable of my shadow as I chased it up the lanes, never quite catching it. Along with glorious blue sky dotted here and there with clouds reminded me that winter was definitely on it's way. But, instead of thinking all the negative aspects of winter, I started to enjoy the feelings and emotions I was getting. The feeling of the cold against my face and the comfort of the warmth from my coat. The feelings of happiness to be able to experience this wonderful morning from on my bike and not inside the car. It made me feel happy to be alive.

I'm also more mindful of the sounds I experience along the way, and I start noticing sounds that I would normally miss. I firstly notice dogs barking from the kennels as I pass them, cars travelling along the road in the distance and the odd sheep bleating in the fields. But this morning I noticed the sounds of my trousers brushing against the bike as I pressed down on the peddles, the sounds of the tyres travelling across the frozen leaves of the lane, the sound of my breath as it was entering and leaving my body. As a result, I thought I would do the rest of the journey mindfully.

As the gradual, uphill climb to my office began, my focus turned from the sights and sounds to my body. I noticed how my breathing was changing, getting quicker and more laboured as my body started exerting against the climb. I noticed how cold the air was entering my body and the warmth of it leaving. I felt all the muscles of my legs straining against the peddles, pushing me closer and closer to my office. I noticed the warmth of my body increasing despite the cold, frosty air. I allowed my self to embrace and welcome all these feelings and slowed my speed to enjoy them even more. I then expanded my experience to take in all the surrounding country side, the sights, sounds and feelings, to such an extent that I almost felt one with the entire world.

Renewed Mindfulness

It has been a few months since I had such a happy, mindful experience cycling to work that I had almost forgotten the feeling of bliss and joy I get from it. Recently, my journeys have simply been a pleasant, and occasionally not so pleasant, ride to work with now joy of the experience of cycling the wonders of the world around me. I feel so invigorated and renewed, I now know that I am on the right journey. I now feel that the next few months are going to reveal something special, that my meditation and the path I following are going to introduce me to more amazing and wonderful experiences.

Songs of the Soul

What a wonderful day. I took the day off from work to go to the concert and used the time in morning to spend it with my wife and son. It was a nice, relaxing morning with a visit to the school Robert will be going to next year. We then took Robert to nursery and I then spent some quality time with Bernadette, relaxing before my journey to Bristol.

I said goodbye to my wife and left for Bristol at about 3:15. Apart from being stuck in traffic when I got to Bristol, the journey was very pleasent and a good sign for what I was about to experience at the concert. I arrived at St. Georges at about 5, not knowing really what was going to happen. I went in to collect my ticket and noticed people were already there, a few I recognised from the 24 hour track race. There was also free food (vegetarian) on offer so I grabbed a plate of rice and a vegetable dish, which was what I needed after my journey across Bristol.

Charana and Prabhavati arrived at about 6, so I went with Prabhavati for a cup of coffee in the Boston Tea shop just round the corner from the music hall. We took our seats at about 7:15 and quickly people started arriving and it looked like it was a sell out (well, the tickets were free) - OK a full house.

The concert itself was amazing, I can't fully think of enough words to describe what I experienced at the Songs of the Soul in Bristol that evening. What an amazing, wonderful and inspiring concert. The music and singing was filled with so much power and soulfulness that I left the concert renewed, filled with so much peace, love and happiness.

After the concert I stayed for a coffee and a chat and was told there was a group meditation going on in the hall. What an amazing experience this was, to be meditating with so many other people. The amount of love and happiness that was in St. Georges that night was amazing. I didn't leave until gone 11, but I was so relaxed and happy that I had a good journey home.

I would like to thank all the musicians and signer for putting on such a wonderful show and thanks to all the Sri Chinmoy followers for making this concert the success it was.

Flu, Energy and Hotels

It has not been a good 3 weeks since my last post. My energy levels have hit rock bottom and I have had flu-like symptoms for the past 2 1/2 weeks or so. I even missed a day of work because I felt so bad. As a result of my lack of energy I have been struggling with my meditation as well as my day-to-day activities. I think I'm now over the worst of it, just a bit of sinus congestion and that seems to be improving so hopefully I can start getting back on my journey again.

The past 3 weeks have not all been bad, I had a very nice 2 day break, just me and my wife, at the Aviator Hotel in Farnborough right next to the airfield. We both hadn't had a break for a while so we arranged with our son to stay with his 2 great aunts in Tadley, just outside Basingstoke, so we could both have a chance to relax and spend some quality time together. We treated ourselves to a luxury 2 night stay in the Aviator Hotel in their Sky Studio Air suite overlooking the airfield so we could watch the private jets take off and land. It was a very successful short break. We had a wonderful time, the room and hotel was amazing and, most importantly, it gave me chance to spend and enjoy some time with my wife. It done us both the world of good and I even managed to get some meditation in whilst I was there.

I have been catching up on my reading, I'm currently making my way through A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield, which was recommended reading for the Mindful Space meditation course I went on earlier this year, see my earlier blog post on Mindfulness Meditation. This is proving to be a very thought provoking read and is helping me get back into my meditation and mindful ways.

I'm still meditating every Monday with Charana and Prabhavati and studying the philosophies and Sri Chinmoy. Next Wednesday (10 November 2010) I'm going to Bristol to watch the Songs of the Soul. It is a concert of Sri Chinmoy’s heart-warming, soul-stirring music which has been acclaimed and celebrated by musical giants including Ravi Shankar, Leonard Bernstein and Quincy Jones. Over his lifetime, Sri Chinmoy offered almost 800 concerts around the world, all of them free of charge, in the belief that the inner peace and happiness he sought to convey through his music was everyone's birthright. I shall add a post to my blog with a review of the concert and my thoughts.

I have also singed up for an advanced Mindfulness course, again with Vicki, at Insole Court in Cardiff, after she emailed me asking if I would like to come along to it. As I would like to advance my meditation and I feel I am stuck in a rut with it a bit, I thought it would be very useful to do another course, also it would be good to see Vicki again and have a chat with her about how I'm progressing. Unfortunately I have to miss the first class next Wednesday as it clashes with the Songs of the Soul concert, but I can make it to the rest of the classes.

Mindfulness Meditation

January - May 2010

As I said, off I went on Wednesday night to my first Mindfulness Meditation class not knowing what to expect. It was quite a relaxed group with a handful of people from all walks of life with a variety of different problems and, like me, a bit sceptical. The course consisted of the teacher introducing us to mindfulness, what it is and how it would help us in our day to day lives. We only done about 15 / 20 minutes worth of meditation but it was good talking to people about my problems and listening to them. Once the class finished she encouraged us to meditate for about 5 minutes a day for at least 5 days.

After the first class I did feel there might be something in this and I thought I'd give it a go. So, I meditated every day for at least 10 minutes and I did feel something, but still did not know what. I explained what was happening to the teacher and the other students and they encouraged me to keep it going. Each class consisted off learning about different areas of mindfulness and encouraging us to increase our meditation from 5 minutes up to about 30 minutes. Vicki also taught different types of meditation, including walking and standing, as well as sitting meditation. She also told us how to be mindful of all situations in day to day life.

After the first 4 weeks, on my 39th birthday, my wife said that she noticed how relaxed I was becoming and that I was not shouting at at her as often as I used too. In fact she was beginning to enjoy my company again. So we both agreed that I should finish the course, which consisted of another 6 classes, and see how I get on.

By the end of the 10 weeks, I felt like I was a new person. My meditation had increased to about 20 to 30 minutes every day, sometimes twice a day, and I was able to cope with my day to day life, at home and in work. I had stopped getting angry at my wife and was again enjoying spending time with her and my son. I was also enjoying seeing the world in new way using mindfulness. It was amazing.

After reading a couple of books on mindfulness, Full Catastrophe Living: How to Cope with Stress, Pain and Illness Using Mindfulness Meditation by John Kabat-Zinn and The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn. I wanted to take this further.

So, after the Easter break, I went back for a second course with the same teacher at the same place. This time it was a proper 6 weeks course and pushed us more to do longer and more intense meditations, which was just what I wanted. By the end of the course I was meditating more at home, in the morning when I first wake up and at night before bed, and was more mindful of everything.

During this course I had bought a little folding bike to start cycling into work and to improve my fitness, I was also beginning not to enjoy driving as I was finding it too stressful. I got a folding bike (see picture above) because I needed to catch a train to work as it is just too far to cycle from Penarth to Llantwit Major, and a folding bike seemed the best option as I can fit it in a car if I needed a lift, as well as on the train. Whilst cycling down some of the country lanes outside Llantwit Major to my office, which consisted of a farm and lovely green hedgerows, I was beginning to notice how wonderful everything was and how vibrant the colours were. This helped me relax even more and I used this as a form of meditation.

Once the course finished at the end of May 2010, both myself and my wife were amazed by the change in me. I was a much happier and relaxed person, I was able to enjoy everything I do and my anger had all but gone. If I did feel myself snapping, I was able to control it and not get so angry. I would recommend mindfulness meditation to anyone who want to control there anger or overcome depression. It can even be used to help control and overcome physical pain as well.

Once the course finished at the end of May 2010, both myself and my wife were amazed by the change in me. I was a much happier and relaxed person, I was able to enjoy everything I do and my anger had all but gone. If I did feel myself snapping, I was able to control it and not get so angry. I would recommend mindfulness meditation to anyone who want to control their anger or overcome depression. It can even be used to help control and overcome physical pain as well.

Next, Buddhism and Sri Chinmoy.

The start of my journey

Welcome everyone to my incredible journey on a path that will hopefully make me understand more about what I was placed on this earth to do and who I really am.

January 2010

It all started about a month before my 39th birthday in January, 2010. Up until then I was not certain what I really wanted from life or who I actually was. I was getting angry and frustrated with myself and was taking this out on other people, especially my wife and son. I was becoming very angry, very, very depressed and was not enjoying life at all. It had reached a stage where I had to sort this problem out or, well, I do not want to imagine what the alternative would be.

My first solution was to go to the docs to get some tablets to calm me down and help me sleep, but this would be my last resort as I preferred to solve this using more natural methods rather than polluting my body with poisons. I did try herbal remedies but they did not help.

Then, at the start of January 2010, my wife discovered a website offering courses in Mindfulness Meditation. I was very dubious and sceptical, but after a few emails to the teacher, Vicki, about the course I convinced myself to go along and try it out. It was a drop in course where you paid on the night so I didn't have to commit myself to anything. So off I went on the Wednesday night, 20th January, to Insole Court in Cardiff with an open mind and not too sure what to expect.

Next: Mindfulness Meditation