7th Wedding Anniversary

14th - 16th May, 2011

Whilst I was helping out at the Self-Transcendence 2 mile run, my wife was busy trying to find a vegetarian B&B or guest house for us to stay for our anniversary. We had arranged for my parents to look after Robert from Saturday afternoon until Monday so we thought that it would be nice to get away for a couple of days. After hours of searching Bernadette booked two nights at the Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre in Llandeilo, Carmarthenshire in West Wales. This was a surprise as I am really into meditation and spirituality and Bernadette isn't, so this is my blog of how it went.

Self Realization Meditation Healing Centre, Wales

After a pleasant journey west from Cardiff we arrive at the centre at about 6.30 and our host for the weekend had a lovely vegetarian meal and a smile ready for us as we arrived. We enjoyed this in the lounge with a proper log burning fire to warm us up. After our meal, we were shown to our room and she explained we were the only people staying for the weekend so we had unique use of the bathroom and the lounge.

Meditation would be at 7.30pm that day and Sunday, as well as 6.45am tomorrow morning then 6.30 on Monday. My wife thought, "Great! Whilst Stephen is meditating I can watch the Eurovision song contest without being disturbed." This was when we were told that there was no TV or a radio in the centre, so she couldn't even listen to the song contest. We didn't even have a mobile phone signal in the area, it was as if we were cut off from the outside world. This come as a huge shock to Bernadette, but luckily she found a cupboard with some games and jigsaws in there, so she started doing one of the jigsaws.

The meditation was based on the teachings of the guru Mata Yogananda Mahasaya Dharma, and in the meditation room they had a picture of here on the wall. Their focus, as quoted on their website, "is on providing teaching, care, nurturing, clearing of emotions and balancing of body, mind and spirit for all who desire peace, harmony, health and progress." The meditation sessions over the weekend which were about an hour each time was amazing, even though there was only 2 of us there. After each session I felt a tremendous feeling of calm and happiness.

Sunday, 15th May 2011 - Our 7th Wedding Anniversary

I got up at 6 to have a shower before my early morning meditation at 6.45am, needless to say that my wife for 7 years stayed in bed. Then, after waking my wife up at 8.30 and wishing her happy anniversary, we had a lovely cooked veggie breakfast (Quorn sausages). Once breakfast was finished we went for a drive to see if anywhere was opening in this part of Wales. We ended up in Llandeilo and it was there where we found this amazing ice cream and chocolate shop called Heavenly, and it was definitely heavenly by name and heavenly by nature. We both had an ice cream each, which is something of a tradition as we had an My Whippy ice cream after our photo shoot at South Stack lighthouse in Anglesey on out Wedding Day. The ice cream was amazing and the amount we had for one portion was equivalent to at least three scoops of the ice cream I had in London a couple of weeks ago. Bernadette also bought a reduced Easter egg with actual, edible gold leafs on it. This was definitely the wife's version of Heaven.

After that we went for another little drive and ended up in Lampeter, were we had a very nice meal in The Royal Oak pub. We then went back to the the B&B where we explored the grounds around the centre before my evening meditation. During my meditation Bernadette stayed in the grounds and took lots of photos, some of which can be seen in my flickr album, we then relaxed in front of the log fire for the rest of the evening.

We were both sorry to leave on the Monday, and, despite not having a TV and radio, Bernadette really enjoyed her stay. I felt spiritually refreshed as it was good to meditate with another spiritual person on a slightly different path to myself. It's a pity the centre in Wales is up for sale, for reasons I won't go into in my blog, as I would love to stay there again and it is very relaxing and in such a beautiful part of Wales. I returned home with such an amazing feeling of love for my wife and felt very at peace with myself.

Happy Anniversary Bernadette and thank you for such a wonderful weekend, I love you so very much.

Self-Transcendence 2 Mile Race

Pontcanna Fields, Cardiff, 13th May 2011

In May, June and July every year the Sri Chinmoy Marathon Team organises and runs a series of Self-Transcendence races in Cardiff, a 2 mile, 3 mile and 4 mile race as well as a relay. Since I am now a disciple I do like to help out with all the events as much as I can so I took the day of from work to help at the 2 mile race. I turned up at the Run and Become shop in Cardiff at about 3pm to load up the card with signs, medals, mallets, stakes and all sorts of items needed for the race, I was surprised to fit it all in my little Corsa.

We didn't leave the shop until about 4.30 and the race was due to start at 7, so we made a dash for Pontcanna Fields to start setting up the race. We quickly drove around the course attaching arrows, warning signs and mile markers to trees, posts, stakes (now you know why we needed them) to help the runners follow the course and warn other people that there was a race in progress. Registration was supposed to start at about 6.20, but we didn't finish setting up the course until about 6.25 and tents et al was still locked up in Charana's car. People were being registered from the back of one of the other disciples car, which looked strange and not efficient, but due to the spiritual nature of the race all the runners seemed to take it in their stride with very little complaining.

As a result the race started 10 minutes late, but the runners didn't mind and it was a huge success with over 130 runners taking part, more than any other year. I think all the runners enjoyed the race, the ones I spoke to at the end said it was a good race. Once we all packed up, me and some of the other disciples went for a vegetarian curry, which was well deserved, I then went home.

What a wonderful and inspiring day. Even though the race started late and we were delayed setting up the course, it was still a calm and peaceful day. The smiles on the runners as well as the disciples faces said it all. I went home to my wife at 10.30pm tired but very, very happy.

I'm back. Doctors, acupuncture, becoming a disciple and house buying

I have been a bit lapse with updating my blog lately, by now I'm going to try and update at least once a week,  more often if something of significance happens in my life. But just to bring you up to since my last blog Thoughts in December, my life has taken a new step and changed for the better.

It was a long hard winter, problems with the car, the weather was very cold with lots of snow and short, dull days that did not help with my mental well-being and achieving happiness. Also I have also been having trouble with people close to me, accepting who I am and not just simply trying to cause arguments and misunderstanding my intentions. Also, we couldn't get to North Wales to spend Christmas with my parent-in-laws as the car was not working (dead battery) due the cold weather and the weather was to bad to travel anyway. This upset my wife as we were both  really looking forward to spending Christmas with here parents.

I've been continuing with my meditation and that did help me get through January and I was beginning to feel happier with myself, although I was still feeling very tired at the weekends and not getting much sleep at night. Been back and forth to the doctors about this and all she has been doing is prescribing me one anti-depressant tablet after another, she thinks that I must be depressed, although I don't think I am. Having taken them for almost 3 months with no results, I have stopped as I have started on a course of acupuncture with the Chinese herbalist in Penarth. I shall write more about this in a future blog, but needless to say I think it is working as my sleep, although not that long, is improving and I'm feeling better in the morning. I'm going to the docs on Wednesday and I'm going to tell her once and for all that I no longer need to take any of her drugs.

One other change in my life, and one I will never regret, is that on the 7 February, 2011 I officially become a disciple of Sri Chinmoy. This involves meditating at the Sri Chinmoy centre in Cardiff every Wednesday and Sunday evening at 7.30pm as well as my daily meditations at home. I have also been to a couple of Joy days at the centre in London, more about these in a future blog. But what an wonderful experience I'm having and all the other disciples are such an amazing, happy group of people. As a result of this I have never been happier or more contented with my life. I think this is what I have been looking for.

I've also been on holiday with my wife, son and parents to Butlins in Bognor Regis which was very fun for all of us and, most importantly, brought me closer to my mum and dad. After the holiday they now fully accept I'm a vegetarian and that I don't drink alcohol. Also, more recently, they have begun accepting the fact that I meditate, but I've still yet to tell them I'm now a disciple. I'm might write more about this in yet another post.

I'm also in the process of finally buying a house after renting all these years. Mortgage all sorted just got to wait for contracts to be exchanged. So this is an exciting and busy time for me, but I'm not feeling stressed about it all, thanks to my meditation. I'll blog more about this as it happens.

All in all, since February, this year has been a very good year and I have never felt  happier or more contented with my life. There are some major changes going on in my life, but it is all very exciting and I'm  positive about everything that is happening.

Well that's it for the moment. Peace, love and happiness to you (the reader) and everyone.

Thoughts

I would like to be happy, but I cannot be.

I would like to have my own views & opinions, but I cannot.

I would like to talk to people without being scared that they might shout at me or give me a lecture about what they think is right or wrong, but I cannot.

Why can people not accept who I am?

I need to sort out and understand these few problems before and can fully continue on my path. I do feel that these thoughts are what are holding me back and they are a major obstacle.

Toast & Works Christmas Party

Haven't posted for almost a month as there has not been much to report. My meditation has been up and down, but I would say progressing steadily, and I would say I am being more accepting and mindful in my day to day life without realising it. I do feel that I no longer have to think too much about staying calm, happy and relaxed as it now seems to come naturally to me.

Toast
On the 11 December I went with Robert to the monthly get together at All Saints church hall in Penarth. Although we are not part of the church and never go to the services, we do go this once a month as it is somewhere where the children can play and the parents / children can have a decent breakfast - bacon and egg sandwiches, cereal, fruit, etc. and it's all free with a small donation toward the church. This time Bernadette was not up to going so I went on my own with Robert. Normally I would feel uncomfortable about taking Robert on my own and not want to go, but when I got there I used some of my mindfulness and I really enjoyed my time there and chatted to one of the parents.

In the afternoon, at the same church, there was Christmas crafts 2 hours for the children, where the children can make different Christmas themed crafts and listen to a telling of the nativity. This time Bernadette joined us but I would still normally feel uncomfortable about going to the church, especially when the read the nativity and said a prayer. But I used the prayer and story as a meditation and I felt really happy and relaxed after it.

But, my biggest test was yet to come, the Works Christmas Party.

Works Christmas meal @ Studley Castle

My works Christmas meal was at Studley Castle in Studley on 15 December and, originally, I was going to drive up on my own but Matt (a work college) said he would pick me up from Cogan train station so only 2 cars went up. As it was only 6 out of 15 went from my office, 3 in each car. This was going to be an interesting works do as I am now a vegetarian and I don't drink, so I wasn't too sure how I would cope.

We got there for about 6.30, delayed in traffic and after Matt had a quick shower we went down to the bar to meet everyone. It was a free bar, all drinks was paid for by ROK! So Matt asked what I was drinking and after a brief pause I thought, going then I'll have a pint of lager. It took me an hour to drink that one pint and I didn't enjoy it, also by time I finished it we sat down for the meal.  I had a goats cheese encroute, which was very nice, and I avoided drinking the wine on the table.

After the meal there was a disco, which was not very good, only a couple of people bothered to dance, and most people then went to the bar. After my first pint, all I drank all night was a few glasses of coke and an orange juice. It was a very interesting experience staying sober whilst everyone else was slowly getting drunk, some more drunk then others.

By time I went to bed at 1.30 in the morning, I felt very good and pleased with myself that I had the control and will power not to start drinking, even though everyone else around me was. I would say today proved an amazing success on my path to enlightenment and proved I do not need a drink to have a good time and mix with people at social gatherings.