Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Noble Eightfold Path

Just an afterthought from my previous post (Impatience, Unhappiness, Superfoods and Facebook), the journey I'm on consists of me following the Noble Eightfold Path:
"The Noble Eightfold Path (Sanskrit: āryāṣṭāṅgamārga) is one of the principal teachings of the Buddha, who described it as the way leading to the cessation of suffering (dukkha) and the achievement of self-awakening. It is used to develop insight into the true nature of phenomena (or reality) and to eradicate greed, hatred, and delusion. The Noble Eightfold Path is the fourth of the Buddha's Four Noble Truths; the first element of the Noble Eightfold Path is, in turn, an understanding of the Four Noble Truths. It is also known as the Middle Path or Middle Way." (quote from Wikipedia)
The Dharma wheel
The Eightfold Path consists of:
  1. Right View
  2. Right Intention
  3. Right Speech
  4. Right Action
  5. Right Livelihood
  6. Right Effort
  7. Right Mindfulness
  8. Right Concentration
I find that the use of Facebook does not help with following this path as sometimes it can affect me too much and divert my from my true path and feelings. This is why I am refraining from using Facebook until I have got a better grasp and understanding of all these elements. Then, if I return to Facebook, I will be able to post and respond with the right frame of mind.

Impatience, Unhappiness, Superfoods and Facebook

I know my journey would never be easy and fast, but I'm starting to feel impatient that my destination seems a long way away, almost out of reach. One of my major obstacles in reaching Enlightenment is coping with my day to day life and the people I meet. Over the past week I have been finding it difficult to relax and accept what is happening, even my meditation isn't helping and I am struggling with that.

Recently, I have been letting friends, family and strangers upset me too much and this is bringing me down, almost to the point I was at the beginning of the year. I am going to have to be more disciplined when it comes to my meditation, as I have been a bit lapse with it lately and this is probably why I'm feeling so low. I am also not sleeping again and this is making me more tired through the day.

As a result of almost falling asleep in work and wanting to spend the entire weekend in bed, I am trying to overcome my lack of energy by improving my diet and eating more "Superfoods." I have bought a packet of Super-Formula +plus - a 100% natural food supplement consisting of vitamins, minerals and phytonurients. It's ingredients are organic pre-sprouted barley, organic barley grass, organic wheatgrass, Hawaiian spirulana pacifica and organic acerola. When mixed with oat milk (a drink I really enjoy over cereal as an alternative to cow's milk) it makes a horrible looking green drink, but it does actually taste better than what it looks. Lets hope it works.

I have also been posting on Facebook occasionally about how I feel and I also do like to leave comments in response to my 'friends' status updates or posts the leave. This is normally quite fun and relaxing, but as soon as you leave a comment someone disagrees with then it goes from being just a bit of fun to something more serious and even upsetting. I do enjoy posting messages and photos on Facebook and reading comments left by other people, it can also be a nice little tool to find out what's going on and arrange meeting with friends and associates. If used correctly it can be fun and informative. But lately I have felt it has been too much of a distraction along my path (the Noble Eightfold Path) as I  have been letting certain comments upset me too much, so as a result I have now deactivated my account.

Maybe in the future when I am more relaxed and at peace with myself and the world, I might reactivate my account. But at the moment I am having enough trouble coping with the 'real' world and I don't need any more hasle from the 'virtual' world of Facebook. "We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves", quote from Dalai Lama, also:
I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.
As a result, I am going to focus on receiving happiness and peace when I meditate.

Peace and happiness to you all.
Stephen

Monday, 4 October 2010

Doubts and Uncertainties

The past week has been a strange week. After helping at the Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race last weekend, I was feeling absolutely drained. I should have taken Monday off from work to recover, but I didn't realise I would feel that bad. I started having doubts by midweek as to whether this is the correct path for me and is it actually really making a difference. I was not able to meditate Monday or Tuesday, so this probably didn't help. Towards the end of the week, I was able to start meditating again, both mornings and evenings, and this has renewed my commitment to my journey.

Although I am starting to sleep better at night, I am still feeling very tired in the day time and I am lacking energy. This has been a problem when it comes to meditating, especially at night, as I feel myself falling asleep half way through it. Weekends are the worse for me. All I wanted to do on Saturday was just go back to bed and sleep. Even though I went out with my wife and son in the morning, I still felt very tired and could not enjoy it that much.

I am not going to the doctors again about this, all they seem to do is give you drugs and hope that it will work. I am now going to look at my diet and start eating 'superfoods' and hope that my energy reserves will increase. My main goal is to get back to my running as I think this is what I am missing.

Sunday was a better day. First I went to coffee and play at a St. Andrew's Church in Cardiff, where me and Bernadette can have a coffee and Rob has a selection of toys and games he could play with. He met up with 2 of his friends (twins) and they had a great time. We then went to a local little Café, the Wellfield Diner, for some food, and then on to Roath Park so Robert could have some fun in the playground. We also walked around the park amongst the trees collecting leaves for Robert to take to nursery with him on Monday.

After a wet and cloudy Saturday, the afternoon on Sunday turned out very nice, and spending a few hours in the park was very calming and relaxing. This time of year is wonderful, the trees are changing colour so what better way to spend it then in the park with the two most important people in my life.

After a bad start to the week, it finished on a high, and I feel renewed for what might lay ahead. My journey continues...

Next: Impatience, Unhappiness, Superfoods and Facebook

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race

Start of my adventure: Penarth, Vale of Glamorgan

Saturday 07:00 - at home in Penarth

It all began on Saturday morning. I was planning to have a lie in as I wanted all the rest I could muster for my own endurance as a counter for the 24 hour race, but I still woke up at about 7 in the morning. So I utilized the time to get some meditation in to prepare myself for the weekend. When my son woke up, about 8ish, I played with him for a few hours then my wife took him to stay with my parents for the night, so I used the opportunity to get a bit of a nap, which I did manage for about an hour. At 12 o'clock midday, just as I woke from my nap, I spared a thought and brief meditation for the runners at Tooting Bec Athletics track just starting their 24 hour race, good luck to them all.

Take the National Express

Saturday 16:00 - at the coach station

Just as the runners were entering their 5th hour into the run, I made my way into Cardiff to catch the bus to London at 5pm, as I was planning to do the midnight to midday shift on Sunday. I popped into Run & Become to have a quick chat with them (most of the staff there are followers of Sri Chinmoy and a few of them are also going to London to help), got a quick sandwich from Gregg's then made my way to the bus station. I said goodbye to my wife, she couldn't come with me as she was working Saturday evening and was busy Sunday, then climbed aboard the National Express to London which left on time. So, a positive start to the journey.

Saturday 17:00 - on the coach to London

It was a beautiful Saturday evening, the runners had reached their 6th hour, and I felt very good about myself and was looking forward to helping at the race, but I was still feeling a bit apprehensive about what it was going to be like. I was also a bit worried about meeting other Sri Chinmoy followers as I had only met a few so far. So I settled into my seat with headphones on to listen to some music to pass the time. I decided to listen to some music by the Police (the group not the men in blue).


Saturday 19:30 - approaching London

As I approached London, I changed my music and listened to some songs by Ananda - peaceful, meditation tunes to prepare myself for the hustle and bustle of London on a Saturday night. At this point, the runners had been on the track for 7 1/2 hours. The journey went by very quick and was improved by the view of the moon rising over London, so as I arrived at Victoria coach station on time (8:20pm) I was very calm and relaxed.

Saturday 21:00 - in London!

Before I caught the tube to Tooting Bec, and the runners were reaching their 10th hour, I was feeling a bit peckish, so I bought a bag of chips from a takeaway just outside Victoria Station before making my way to the underground. Even the tube journey was a pleasant experience so I got to Tooting Bec fully prepared (physically as well as mentally) for my marathon lap recording. I strolled down Tooting Bec Road with my excitement building with each step then I finally reached my desitination, Tooting Bec Athletics Track, earlier than expected at about 9:50pm.

At Tooting Bec Race Track, London

Saturday 22:00 - 10 hours into the race

I entered the stadium as the runners (about 40 of them) were just approaching their 10th hour on the track, and it seemed quite a calm and sedate affair, with occasional cheers coming from the helpers as the runners passed them each lap. I then made my way over to a big marquee sort of thing, with about 10 or 12 people sitting at tables, who I assumed were responsible for recording the lap times of the runners. It was then I saw both Charana and Pabhavati who waved at me to join them. They were both very pleased to see me and the whole atmosphere there was one of happiness and enjoyment, with little or no stress to be seen, considering the race had been going on for almost 10 hours.

After a brief introduction to everyone and a phone call to my wife to say I arrived safely, they asked if I wanted to start logging the times now or go and have a rest first. I thought I might as well start, I could always have a sleep later as I did bring a sleeping bag with me. So Charana explained what was involved, it was very straight forward. Each runner had a number of sheets with the laps and distance on them, and all I had to do was record their time every time they passed the starting line, giving them a shout of encouragement so that they knew I'd seen them. Each helper had 2 or 3 runners to log, so I was given 2 to begin with. So I sat down at a table under a makeshift tent, in Tooting Bec Race track at just before 10 o'clock on Saturday night, ready to log the lap times of runners for the next 14 hours. What had I let myself in for?

Sunday 24:00 - 12 hours into the race (1/2 way)

As the night progressed I started getting into the lap times recording and was beginning to relax and enjoy it. I was getting into the shouts of "Well done. Got-cha. Your doing great" as my allocated runners passed me to let them know I've seen them, logged their time and give a shout of encouragement. The temperature was getting colder, but I had a thick jumper and a warm coat on, and my sleeping bag was wrapped around my legs for added warmth, so I felt quite comfortable. There were other helpers on hand constantly bringing out hot drinks - tea (herbal and normal), coffee and hot chocolate, as well as some simple food - jam, banana or peanut butter sandwiches, which kept us all going through the cold, dark night. Spirits were high and even the runners were smiling every time they passed us, especially as we all made a point to shout out words of support for them. The runners were allowed to walk, run and even take breaks as often and for as long as they wanted, it was quite a relaxed race.

Sunday 04:00 - 16 Hours into the race - change direction!

The hours seemed to pass very quickly, so by 4am I thought I may as well stay until the end, another 8 hours away, as I was on a high from the atmosphere in the tent as well as on the track, or it might have been the amount of caffeine I had consumed. Every 4 hours the competitors did change direction on the track, so went from running clockwise for 4 hours, to anti-clockwise for the next 4 hours, then back to clockwise, and so forth. It was an wonderful experience being at the race track in Tooting at that hour of the morning and it was amazing watching all the athletes who had been running / walking around the track for 16 hours, still with a smile on their faces. It was really inspiring, and that what kept me going through the dark, cold night. One thing I did notice and feel was the sense of calmnes and love amongst all the helpers in the tent with me. None of them moaned about being here, they were here of there own choice and were doing it out of the goodness off there heart and for the love they felt for everything. It is very difficult to put into words what I was feeling, but it was wonderful and made me feel very happy and relaxed, even though I was very tired.

Sunday 06:30 - 18 1/2 hours into the race

As dawn approached and the sky slowly got brighter, everyone realised that the end was in sight and so the excitement and anticipation was escalating. We were all thinking who, and how many, would reach and pass 100 miles, and our cheers of support for all the athletes was getting louder. We were supplied with porridge and apple compote (both helpers and the athletes) at about 7am and then given a full cooked veggie breakfast (for the helpers), which was just what I needed to give me the energy to continue to the end.

Sunday 10:00 - 22 hours into the race

8 o'clock came and went, then 9 am, and 10 o'clock passed. Only 2 hours left to go. Considering how long people had been awake for and how long the runners had been on the track - 22 hours - the atmosphere was still very calm and relaxed. It was then that runners started passing the 100 miles and everyone roared when a runner reached that milestone. 11am came and we all new that the end was very near and the excitement in the stadium was electric. The runners all found reserves of energy to pick up their pace a bit as they were determined to reach there own individual targets. Runners approaching 100 miles were given that extra boost which enabled them to reach and pass it.

Sunday 12:00 - 24 hours

Then as 12 midday approached, 24 hours after all the runners starting, the horn blared out and all the runners collapsed were they stood, with sandbags placed on the track for each runner so their final distance could accurately be measured.

All I can say is what an amazing, wonderful experience, I have never felt anything like this in my life. I had an amazing buzz when I ran London marathon back in 2006 and, although the atmosphere at the marathon was filled with emotion and excitement, this was altogether different. There was an emotion here, but it felt more personal as each athlete on that track had given something extra to compete in and finish the race. We were all absolutely exhausted, especially the runners, but everyone had a smile and their face at the end.

After the race, I helped tidy up, put the tents and equipment away and, just before the results were announced and prizes award, I tucked into a wonderful plate of veggie pasta, and boy did it taste good. The unofficial timing results were announced and 16 runners had ran more than 100 miles, with the winner running just over 129 miles. One runner finished just short of 100 miles, but after the result were checked, he had actually run a distance of 100 miles and 53 yards! Go to the official results web site to see how all the runners got on. Congratulation to all the runners who took part in the race, what an amazing achievement and well done.


What an experience I had over the past 14 hours, my respect goes out to each and every runner for taking part. And the feelings of love, happiness and support for everyone from all the Sri Chinmoy followers was unbelievable, I didn't really appreciate that people could be like this. Although I was feeling absolutely exhausted, I felt an amazing sense of achievement and well-being. I'm going to have to remember these feelings when I'm next having doubt's about myself or I am losing faith.

Sunday 14:00 - 2 hours after the race finished

The journey back home was not as good as coming here, I was very tired and just wanted to get home. The tube journey was fine and gave me chance to relax for 20 minutes. But, due to delays on the M4 and bad weather, it took about 4 hours to reach Cardiff but the amazing feelings a had in Tooting kept me going till I got home.

Have look in the race photo gallery to see all the runners and helpers in action.

Next: Doubts and Uncertainties

Friday, 24 September 2010

Acceptance & 24 Hour Track Race

Rose Graphic #23

Acceptance

Why do I always feel the need to be accepted by everyone?

All through my life I've always strived to please other people (friends, work colleagues and family) and do what they think is right, especially when it comes to my family. I've always felt that whatever I do, or don't do, is wrong and they will never be happy and will always criticise me. I've only ever wanted them to be happy with themselves and with me, but I have never been able to achieve this. Is this wrong?

I know my family do love me and they want the best for me, that's why they are always full of advice and suggestion about what I should be doing with my life. I will always listen to them and if their advice is good I will act upon it. But I do have my own life and I want to live it as best as I can my own way, even if I do make mistakes along the way. And sometimes other people may not like the way I'm living my life, but I wish they would just accept it.

Up until now I have never been truly happy with myself or my life. All through my college and university years I felt the need to force myself to fit in with everyone, which included going to night clubs in Cardiff with some of my friends. The clubs were OK but I never really enjoyed the experience of going out to them and simply getting drunk. Since I've left college I still felt I had to fit in with the crowd and do what my peers do. I used to drink alcohol when I went out, visited friends and at home because I felt that was the norm and what was expected of me. It was also how I was brought up to feel it was OK to drink alcohol to excess. I also felt I had to drink to allow myself to relax whenever I went out as I could not have a good time unless I was at least a little bit tipsy. I never used to like the effects of alcohol on the body and I would always feel rotten afterwards.

Now, whenever I visit friends or go to parties at their houses and they offer me a drink, they find it strange when I say I don't drink alcohol at all, not even 1/2 pint of beer or 1 small glass off wine. Why is it that people think it's strange when you say you don't drink alcohol? I'm not going to tell people what they can and cannot do, and I don't think drinking alcohol is a bad thing, as long as it drunk in moderation. But, as a result of the path I'm following, I do not feel the need to have alcohol to relax me and therefore I have chosen not to drink it, as I feel even one drink will have a negative effect on me.

They only person who knows fully about the path I'm following is my wife and she is fully supportive of me and encourages me in every step I take. She is very happy about how it is making me a more calm, relaxed and a nicer person to live with. Also, I have mentioned it to some of my friends and they think it is very good that I'm doing this. I have yet to tell anyone else, especially my family, about the path I'm following as I do feel they will criticise and say I am stupid and wrong for doing this. I don't want to upset them, so not too sure how to go about doing it.

By writing this blog and letting people read it I'm hoping everyone will understand why I'm following this path and what I'm hoping to achieve / have achieved so far. I also want people to understand my true feelings and what I'm currently thinking, and, in doing so, will help them understand me better. I do not want to upset anyone in the process, I just want everyone to be happy. I am open to any questions / comments about what I'm doing, so feel free to leave any comments you want.

Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race

Anyway, I'm off to London tomorrow, Tooting to be precise, to act as a helper for the Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race at Tooting Bec race track, organised by the Sri Chinmoy Athletic Club. It starts at midday on Saturday and finishes midday on Sunday and I will helping as a counter in the second shift from midnight to midday on Sunday. It will be interesting watching and supporting the runners, some of which will have run over 100 miles by time they have finished, some reaching 140 miles or more! It will also be a challenge for me to stay awake that long.

Good night sleep tonight as I'm travelling to London by coach (it's cheaper than the train) at 5pm tomorrow. I will write a report about the race when I get back.

Have a happy and peaceful weekend everyone,

Stephen

Next: Self-Transcendence 24 Hour Track Race